A visit from a Muppet Show celebrity?

Uncle Kermit and Aunt Susan came to visit last night. They brought Boddington's, which Stew promptly grabbed before running off and locking himself in the basement for the rest of the night. Aunt Susan also brought a ginormous bottle of Belgian beer with a gnome on the label. She has a gnome obsession, but nobody really talks about it. Her friends think that if they ignore the problem it will simply go away... taking a page from Stew's Handbook on Conflict Resolution. I have concerns, so I've got my eye on her. Anyway, this was the first meeting between Claire and her Uncle Kermit (Mike). We think there's a frat-boy story behind Uncle Kermit's name, but it's probably too inappropriate for this family-friendly blog. Speaking of which, don't even ask me about the nickname, StewDog... just trust it's not what you think (you sick puppies)! So, Claire spent a lot of time getting to know Kermit. After he left, Claire confided in me that she enjoyed his company saying, "...what's not to like about a guy who shares my hair style and is named after a muppet?" The My Pictures link has been updated with more photos of Claire and her visitors.

Too tired to blog...

Watching mommy feed Claire is truly exhausting. Thankfully, Linda's taking a much deserved 3-4 hour nap before Claire's next feeding. When Claire isn't eating, she's pretty much sleeping. The good thing is that she only cries when she's hungry, has a wet or dirty diaper, or needs burping... proving she really is daddy's little girl. The only difference is that Stew also cries whenever Linda forces him to watch Gilmore Girls, while Claire doesn't seem to mind nonsensical television.

Today, I posted a link titled "My pictures" over there (imagine me pointing my paw toward the right... toward the LINKS section of the blog). You will find many pictures of Claire and, eventually, other pictures and/or movies of various topics. In the meantime, here's a picture taken last night of Claire and Grandma Helen. I'm also posting a picture of Stew and me watching The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (no relation). We really enjoy this "fake news" show and how it pokes fun at both political parties (but mainly the Republicans since they've provided the most fodder for the show's writers ever since Dubya took office). And, here's a link to a clip of when Jon Stewart was on CNN's Crossfire: http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2652831
Jon gets into it with the show's hosts about the absurdity of how mainstream media fails to hold our nation's leaders accountable for basically anything. Crossfire has since been cancelled, most likely because the show -- as Jon put it -- "blows." And here's a Daily Show clip of Stewart talking about his Crossfire appearance: http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2653047
I find them to be interesting, but I'm just a dog... and a big Jon Stewart fan. If Fox News can get away with calling itself "fair and balanced", then I can say my blog is "even-pawed".

Let the spoiling begin!

Grandma Helen (Thullner) is coming from South Dakota to visit today, and she'll be here for at least a week! I can't wait because she likes to sneak me treats whenever Linda and Stew aren't watching. One time Grandma even baked me some homemade dog biscuits that were incredible. I think they were laced with peanut butter because, after eating just one biscuit, I felt REALLY relaxed and creative. I wanted to go outside, run around the trees, chase squirrels, and chew sticks, yet I couldn't get motivated enough to get off my doggie bed. I also had an odd craving for a Play Station machine even though I don't have opposable thumbs... what's up with that?

Anyway, Helen and Grandpa Bob are brand new grandparents as Claire is their first grandchild. So we're all excited for Helen's visit, and we wish Bob could be here. But, he has lots of pigs and cows to take care of on the farm, so he couldn't make it this trip. Stew's even making prime rib. I just hope Helen remembers to bring me some of those dang biscuits! Here's a picture from Helen and Bob's 40th Wedding Anniversary party last year.

In January, Grandma Judy (Stewart) is coming from Florida to visit. She already has a few grand kids, but she still likes to spoil. She even bought a little girl outfit for Claire three weeks before Claire was born. Stew thinks she could possibly be a (good) witch for knowing Claire was going to be a girl. I guess that makes Stew a son-of-a-witch, huh? Also in January, Aunt Dee will visit from Florida. Plus, Uncle Doug (StewCat), Aunt Peggy and Cousin Bridget will come from South Dakota. I wonder if StewCat will bring walleye fillets? If he did, that would make him the coolest uncle ever... in return, I'm betting Stew will have plenty of Budweiser on hand. Not only is Bud the King of Beers, but it's also the State Drink of South Dakota. Grandma Judy prefers iced tea, so I think that's why she moved to Florida...

Thursdays with Claire

"Nobody gets near Claire without my say so."


Julie (Lily the Beagle's mom) and Claire


Dee (Remmy and Sammy's mom) and Claire


"Watcha talkin' 'bout, Willis?"


Claire... about to break daddy's finger


Claire's best Heisman trophy pose

Meeting Claire for the first time

I just returned home after a fabulous 3-day vacation to Casa de Erickson in luxurious South Minneapolis, where I spent countless hours chasing Ole Erickson around the house and gnawing on his ears. I overheard Uncle Kermit asking Aunt Susan, "tell me again why we offered to take Bogey while Linda's in the hospital?"
Ole's a good egg, and he understands what's it like to fend for yourself. He was rescued from the mean streets of Duluth, MN, just before I was saved from New Orleans. We orphans need to stick together, and we've developed quite a friendship. Here's a photo of us together from last summer taking a break from our wrestling.

Anyway, I finally got to meet Claire upon my return home Wednesday evening. My Aunt Susan drove me home, and then she stayed and made Linda & Stew a delicious salad and pizza dinner. Here's a picture of Susan holding Claire. This is about as close as I can get to a picture of Claire with her eyes open. The camera flash causes her to close her eyes, so I can never seem to catch them open. They are a very dark blue (the color of daddy's eyes) and are shaped like mommy's. I also have a picture of Claire and daddy on the couch. One of them hasn't bathed in three days, while the other smells like a dirty diaper. See if you can guess which is which. The funk that's now emitting from that couch is enough to choke a horse. Speaking of daddy, he's currently looking over my shoulder as I type this entry awaiting a scheduled 2:00AM feeding. His job is to rub and tickle Claire to keep her awake while she dines on the delicious meal prepared by mommy's... chest. He's also in charge of helping Claire expel gases due to his vast amount of skill in this area. He really gets into it, and it sometimes sounds like we have our very own wind band performing in the nursery. Mommy is not amused...

I'm exhausted...

Alright, alright, alright already. I get it... you want more baby pictures and less stories about the true evil that is the feline. I've received numerous complaints - mainly from catlovers no less - that my most recent blog entry was an unprovoked attack on the (supposed) innocent housecat. I'm just reporting the news, people. If you want entertainment fluff about Fluffy, then there are a billion other sources available to you on the net. For example, at http://www.iluvcats.com, you can find an entire "poetry corner" dedicated to pet cats. If you are so lonely that you need to write a poem about your cat, let alone read other people's poems about their cats, then you need to move out of your mom's basement and get a life. If celebrity news is more your thing, go to http://thesuperficial.com and find out whose post Paris Hilton is scratching these days. Whatever floats your boat... I don't really care. Just don't come here and call me "unpatriotic" or "ignorant" for reporting the truth about the filthy housecat. And don't get me started on mail carriers, who are allowed by law to carry weapons specifically designed to bring harm and/or injury to a dog. What's that all about?

Undisputable fact that all cats are evil.

DOG SAVES OWNER, BUT DIES TRYING TO RESCUE CAT
Disabled woman suffers third-degree burns in Wisconsin house blaze

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15317373/

Cats (aka "evildoers") are part of my axis of evil that also includes: mail carriers and vacuum cleaners... which is why our family has house rules:

• All visiting cats will be tossed on the roof. No exceptions.
• Mail carriers and vacuum cleaners will be barked at ferociously until they are out of my line of sight.

Cats beware! I'm watching you and am not afraid to levy sanctions. I am also not above manufacturing evidence to support a preemptive strike on you and your clowder.

More of Claire...

Claire sleeping in mommy's arms...
A proud mommy...
A haggard-looking Stew at 6:25am, one minute after witnessing Claire's birth. Stew was reported to have said "I thought this was going to be a more festive occasion, so I wore my favorite party shirt." This same photo can now be found posted outside the hospital's Health Library from which Stew was evicted on 10/16/06 (see "Thank heaven for little girls" entry for more details on the eviction).

Unfortunately, close-up photos of Claire came out blurry... but it's highly likely that more photos will be posted in the near future. Stay tuned faithful bloggies...

Thank heaven for little girls!

Introducing...

Claire Elizabeth Stewart

Born 10/16/2006 (6:24am)

Weight: 7 lbs 10 oz

Length: 20 inches

(Claire is the one on the left...)

As her daddy often does, Claire arrived earlier than expected... Claire appears to have the Stewart family gene that prohibits us from being late. What did you think I meant? Claire's due date was 10/19/06. A big shout out to Uncle Brad Stewart (the self-proclaimed "StewRat") for his eery April prediction that the baby would be a 7lb 6oz girl arriving on 10/7. Apparently the entire family on both sides knew Claire would be a girl (except for Linda & Stew).

Baby and mommy are both doing very well. Claire is having trouble figuring out the food dispenser on mommy's chest, but we're told this is normal. Linda is receiving three square meals a day. Stew, on the other hand, is surviving on packets of oyster crackers stolen from the hospital's deli. Reports from inside the hospital are that Stew is too big of a tight-ass to spend $5.95 for a deli sandwich with kettle chips (yet he'll blow $12 buying a dozen "Big Texas Cinnamon Rolls" from the hospital vending machine). "I could survive on Mountain Dew and Big Texas rolls if I had to," says Stew. "The Big Texas isn't VENDING MAGAZINE's 2005 #1 Vended Pastry Item because it tastes like a cow pie. It's a delicious, tasty treat!"

Apologies to my "bloggies" for the day-long tardiness of this entry. I was relying on my inside connection (Stew) to have digital photos emailed to me by yesterday to celebrate Claire's birthday. However, it appears that while the hospital has data jacks located throughout the facility, they are not for use by patients or visitors. In fact, Stew was tossed out of the hospital's Health Library for "inappropriate use of hospital property." Believe it or not, Stew was merely plugging his laptop into data jacks in the wall when he was asked to leave by the librarian, Mildred Ratched - a former mental hospital nurse (Googling "Mildred Ratched" might help clarify this point).

Our little barnyard...

Off limits

Apparently, I am no longer welcome inside this room. I'm confused. Have I done something wrong? I have never relieved myself inside this room, so why am I being punished now? In fact, I have fond memories of laying on the bed that was once in this room with momma by my side, gently scratching my belly. So, what gives? As near as I can tell, Linda and Stew are preparing this room for a visitor. Linda's cool friends, Dee and Julie, came over a few weekends back to paint the room. They were back again a couple weekends ago to put stuff on the windows and walls. Julie left early, though. She appeared to be under the weather... complaining about something called "Oktoberfest". Anyway, these are all the pictures of the inside of what is being called the nursery. Oops - scratch that last comment. As if it's not difficult enough for me to type this blog without the use of opposable thumbs, it appears I'm unable to upload all the nursery pictures to this posting. Therefore, I'll try using multiple postings... Anyway, the room seems to have a barnyard animal theme, a tribute if you will to Linda's heritage as a farm girl. Stew didn't seem to help much with renovations. In fact, Dee seemed to do most of the difficult work. I like Dee. She treats me nice and lets me play with her dog, Remmy. And Julie is hilarious, but I'm still cautious of her and her beagle, Lily. I think they could be trouble, but I'll withold judgement until my investigation is completed. Anyway, Stew was in here the other night putting shelves on the wall. He cursed a lot, so I'm guessing things didn't go well. Regardless, the stuffed animals now have a place to sit. Other than the shelving, Stew's only other contribution was installing the lightswitch cover that he proudly brought home one day. Otherwise, he's still spending most of his time in the basement. When he's not curled up on the floor in the fetal position I mentioned in a previous posting (see "Skilled carpenter needed"), I usually hear him ranting. Oh, and ask me about the gas leak he discovered the other day...

Best Friends

Here's a recent picture of momma and me. I really like spending time with her because she sometimes invites me up on the couch. Stew, on the other hand, continues to make me do stupid things like "sit", "stay", and "go make me a sandwich!"
I'm not sure what Linda's vocation is, but it sure makes her angry... but she always looks happy to see me when she comes through the door each night. As soon as she walks in the house, I run off, grab one of my chew toys and bring it back and show it to her. It seems to make her laugh, so I just do it automatically now. Stew told me today that starting tomorrow, I'll get to spend every day at home with momma for the next three months. Hopefully, it won't be like it was when she was working from home where she'd sit and tug on her eyebrows and mumble naughty words. She sure is an amazing woman, and I can't wait to spend more time with her!

Skilled carpenter needed. Bring Your Own Beer.

I'm worried about the one they call Stew... the fella who likes to stick his nose in front of my face and say "give Papa a kiss." Does he have any clue that his breath smells worse than the neighbor dog's butt? Trust me... I would know. So, anyway, I found Stew curled up on the cement floor of the basement the other day. He was gently rocking back-and-forth while clutching what appeared to be a throw pillow from the couch. He kept muttering "why didn't I hire a professional... I'll never finish this room." I assume he was referring to the basement bedroom that's still several 12-packs away from completion -- the equivalent of a couple weekends in Stew Standard Time (SST). I remember hearing Linda "suggest" to Stew (many times) that they hire a carpenter to finish the bedroom so that they could focus on the nursery and other things around the house that need attention before the baby arrives, but Stew would always respond in typical Stew fashion: by turning beet red and mumbling nonsensical statements about how silly it is to spend money to hire someone to do something he (Stew) is perfectly capable of doing hisself. (Laughing) Boy, was he wrong! He would have been better off building himself a doghouse because he's going to need one if he doesn't finish that guest bedroom.

Blog This!

My bark is worse than my bite... but my blog is vicious. Watch your step because you never know what you might step in here.