Who's your daddy?

As a mixed breed dog, I've always wondered from wence I came? Since I was born just a couple weeks before Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, I don't remember my birth momma... and I never got to meet my birth papa. But, I imagine I came from some regal breeds known for high intelligence, rugged good looks and an insouciant temperament. Luckily for Claire, since she's so darned cute, we know she has a large amount of Momma's genes flowing through her veins. Then again, if Claire's head begins to grow quicker than the rest of her body, then we'll know there's more Stew than originally thought (picture a really cute Charlie Brown). And we're all hoping Claire has Momma's teeth genes rather than Stew's... which are just a tad crooked. We'll find out soon enough 'cause Claire's teeth are starting to arrive. Here she is giving you a glimpse of the first two! We also know Claire was born in 2006 which, according to the Chinese New Year calendar, was the Year of the Dog. And now that she's long enough (29"), Claire can finally wear the special onesy that Aunt Susan & Uncle Kermit got her (I posted a picture of Claire wearing the onesy four months ago, but now it fits much better). Papa Stew was given his own Year of the Dog - You've Been Warned tee-shirt to match Claire's onesy, but Stew is currently requesting that no pictures of him be posted on the blog until further notice [this following a snarky comment Stew received this past weekend from Uncle Frannie regarding Stew's current weight].

So, to assist me in my efforts to figure out my heritage, Stew has contracted with MMI Genomics, Inc. to conduct its Canine Heritage Breed Test using DNA swabbed from my cheek. In about four weeks from now, we should receive the results in the mail. Stew got the idea after seeing a newstory on the Today show one morning back in May (http://video.msn.com/v/us/msnbc.htm?g=e1ce80dc-75f9-4456-ad3c-d63a56e4aa9c&f=00&fg=). We were originally going to have an online pool you could enter... by sending us a $5 entry fee with the winner getting a bulk of the proceeds (after we take out $70 to cover the cost of the DNA test). But, we figured we wouldn't get enough entries to cover the cost. Instead, I've decided to give an award to the person(s) who correctly chooses the PRIMARY BREED of my composition. Unfortunately, you're limited to 38 breeds from which to choose (www.mmigenomics.com/products2abreeds.html).

Momma thinks I'm a Saint Bernard, while Papa Stew believes I'm mostly German Shepherd (because American Fox Hound is not an available choice). What do you think? To assist you in your decision, I'm posting my baby picture and a more recent photo. I'm completely grown and weigh 61 lbs. And I'm told I shed A LOT. Post your guess if you dare... you might also find this link helpful: www.akc.org/breeds/breeds_a.cfm

Heeeeeeeere's Stookie!

Using my best Ed McMahon voice, I'm pleased to introduce y'all to my new pal, Stookie. He has a full name, complete with a middle name, but Stew couldn't remember what it is to tell me. Typical. I have yet to meet Stookie in person, but I've heard a lot about him from Momma and Stew, so I'm confident I'll enjoy his company. When he finally comes to visit, I plan to put the smackdown on him... but in a very playful way, of course. I just want him to know who's boss around here. Stookie recently joined the Angie & Andy Jacobs family of St. Cloud, MN. Yes, THAT Jacobs family. I'm sure you've heard of them. Last Thursday, momma and Stew had a meeting with Andy, financial advisor extraordinaire and all-around good egg, before heading to the Jacobs' house to meet Stookie and dine on delicious chicken tacos. I was banned from the trip, most likely so I wouldn't learn that Momma and Stew have no intentions of sharing any of their millions with me upon their demise. But, I already knew this information after listening to some recently captured audio surveillance from a bug I planted several months ago. Apparently, Claire's getting it all... while I get something like a year's supply of Milkbones. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Then again, I'm not sure what I'd do with a bag full of millions of dollars. Most likely, I'd chew on the bag until it tears open to expose its fleshy innards, at which point I'd meticulously remove the innards and scatter them about the house until all that's left is a lifeless bag (and torn up dollar bills everywhere). I wonder if a bag full of dollars comes with a squeeky soundmaker inside? That would be awesome.

Anyway, back to Stookie. He's a cross-breed puppy, which is a puppy created by breeding two distinct breeds together. Like a jackalope... which is a cross between a jack rabbit and an antelope. Don't ask me how they do it. Frankly, I don't know nor do I want to know. Conversely, I'm a mixed breed... my DNA is comprised of several different breeds. Like Jennifer Love Hewitt. She's a mix of a heavenly angel, a devilish seductress, and a pair of water balloons. Hey, it wasn't my idea of including "Love" in this posting, but Stew insisted on it. For some reason, he has a little crush on her and wants me to use her photo "as often as possible." Again, getting back to Stookie. Of course, Stew forgot what two breeds were combined to create little Stookie. Typical. He thinks one is Brichon Frise, but that's just a guess.

Stew arrived home from the St. Cloud trip with photos of Stookie. Here's one of Stookie attacking Stew's sock with the ferocity of a Tazmanian Devil (don't let the ghostly pale legs detract from the cuteness of this photo). My guess is that Stookie was likely minding his own business before Stew stuck his foot in front of Stookie's face and started shaking it while saying something like, "grrrrrrrr... you want to bite my sock, Stookie... come on, I dare ya!" Then, Stew probably acted surprised when everyone noticed Stookie attacking Stew's sock. Sort of like oh, I don't know, invading a country for no reason then asking, "why are they shooting back at us?" But, I'll withold my political rants for another day.

Today is all about Stookie! Welcome to the club, fella. I look forward to meeting you soon. In the meantime, I'll be checking out www.jacobs-financial.com for all my insurance and investing needs!

Sell out

The online Free Dictionary (www.thefreedictionary.com) defines "sell out" as: To betray one's cause or colleagues. Well, I admit it. I'm a sell out. It's true. I recently sold my soul... and part of my blog... to the highest bidder. Well, not exactly to the "highest bidder." Rather, to advertisements that I sought out. You will notice there are now ads above my postings, plus a Google search bar, as well as a button to Get Firefox with Google Toolbar. However, I'll never see a dime (which is way more money than I actually expect to earn with this stuff) if you - my faithful bloggees - don't "click" on the ads or use the search box. I'm not supposed to direct you to the ads and ask you to click on them, so let's just pretend I didn't just do so. However, since I do use Mozilla's Firefox (with Google Toolbar), I can - and DO - encourage you to click on the link and download the Firefox web browser (unless you are a grandparent with an older computer... I am NOT available for technical support in the event of any download issues). And if you don't know what Firefox is, allow me to explain: it's a web browser... the same type of thing as Microsoft Explorer or Netscape (which, I'm assuming, your computer already has installed on it). But, Firefox has several advantages over other browsers, which is why I choose to use Firefox. First, Firefox has a spokesmodel, who is supposedly a friend of Stew's (according to him, that is). Secondarily, Firefox has more security than Explorer (Firefox blocks many websites from trying to install spyware onto your computer... Firefox has a very good built in pop-up blocker that blocks all those annoying pop-ups when you open a web page... Firefox is easier to use and functions better on older or slower computers... and it has a lot of advanced features I won't get into because you are already starting to fall asleep reading this... plus, it’s FREE).

Anyway, even if you download Firefox, you will still have Explorer or Netscape (or whatever) on your computer. So, you can still elect to use a different browser as your default and switch over to Firefox at any time. Just give it a try and see how you like it. In the meantime, I'll patiently await the 3.5 cents I'll probably earn for each "click" and/or download you make. Drinks are on me in a couple years after I earn enough to buy a round.

Until then, I've also been applying for "professional" blogger jobs. Stated differently, I'm researching other sites where they want people (or dogs) to manage a blog. I just need to find a topic that interests me. I've also suggested to several sites that the topic of a stay-at-home-dog has yet to be discovered anywhere else on the internet, so it would be a groundbreaking move on their part to pay me. Alas, so far no bites... but I'm optimistic since I've only just begun my search. I'm also creating a portfolio of headshots that I'm showcasing in this blog entry. I'm starting with the homeless chic look... please let me know how you like 'em. In the meantime, throw the dog a bone and visit the ads... use the Goole search box... and download Mozilla Firefox. Much obliged.

"All options are on the table!"

To steal a way over-used phrase from Dubya and his gang of hawkish bullies, all options are on the table in terms of retaliation on the Kenmore Vacuum Terror Network. And much like Montgomery Burns has said (he bears an eery resemblance to Secretary of Homeland Security, Michael Chertoff, don't ya think?), I have a "gut feeling" that something sinister is about to happen that involves the household cleaning equipment in our home. No reason really... except for some actual evidence recently presented to me by one of my top anti-terror specialists. So can we finally stop with the "we need to fight them over there so we don't have to fight them here" nonsense? [by the way, Google "Maureen Dowd" and read her op-ed piece on Dubya trying to be a cowboy... it relates to this "fightin' 'em over there" line of bull]

My friends, I submit there are already vacuums throughout the U.S. poised and ready to attack unsuspecting dogs TODAY as sure as cats have been unleashing biological warfare on the nasal cavities of millions of brave American humans for years. All evidence points to a catastrophic event... perhaps this Spring Cleaning event I heard chatter about six months ago.

Therefore, the Kenmore Vacuum Terror Alert System that was initiated in our household earlier this year has officially been elevated to Watch Your Ass! level. This is the first time in several months the alert has moved upward from the less dangerous level of I smell a rat...

Based on recent reconnaissance missions performed by Army Special Forces Captain Theodore Hertzel (right), disturbing video footage of a Kenmore sleeper cell meeting was captured in our basement. Captain Theo, a Fargo resident, holds extraterritoriality status which exempts him from the jurisdiction of local laws (the same thing commonly granted to foreign diplomats and/or current and former Bush Administration officials who perform acts of treason... now if we could only catch one of them Bushies lying about getting a BJ, then they'd be cooked for sure). Anyway, as an untouchable agent of the Department of Guardianship (DOG), Captain Theo was able to conduct several high-risk, life-threatening missions in our basement between July 4th and 5th, capturing the aforementioned chilling footage. Following are excerpts from Captain Theo's recon logs. For security reasons, I'm unable to reprint the entire log, but I am able to provide some still shots of the video.

4 July 2007

12:14pm - Arrive at the Stewart compound accompanied by my handlers, Matthew and Veronica, as well as Junior Agent "Bad Ass Mother" Tucker. Our assignment is information gathering, but we have direct orders to destroy any insurgency if feasible.

12:15pm - Disembark vehicle to stretch legs and exercise vocal chords.

12:16pm - Due to their compactness, my legs are fully stretched. However, my vocal chords could use some more work, so I chose to run around the large maple tree in the front of the estate barking to ward off any squirrels that dared approach.

12:20pm - Gained access to the compound via the anterior access port and immediately began my patrol of the upstairs zone. Struck by a foul odor emanated from a back room of the residence, I followed the scent to investigate further but it only lead me to Stew. I ascertained the smell of bad cheese emitting from his feet was merely due to poor hygiene, so I continued my rounds.

12:25pm - Rendezvoused with Agents Bogart and Tucker in the front room. I shared some Jeff Lebowski type philosophy with Agent Bogart, telling him "if you will it, Dude, it is no dream." Then, I joined Agent Tucker atop the hind quarters of Agent Bogart as a display of dominance to any Kenmore vacuums lurking nearby.

5 July 2007

3:42am to 3:54am - All inhabitants of the house are soundly asleep and confined within their designated sleeping quarters. Along with Agent Tucker and our handlers, I was safely tucked away in the (perpetually half-finished) guest bedroom in the basement of the Stewart domicile. But I was roused from my slumber by faint sucking sounds (get your mind out of the gutter, folks... the sucking sounds were coming from the adjacent room!). I peered out the doorway into the recreational room, and I saw several silhouettes against the far wall. I grabbed my 8mm video camera with night scope to investigate further. Approaching from the north, I scrambled up the big barker-lounger in the center of the room and perched myself at its apex to get a better view (barker-lounger = the recliner I like to lounge on until Stew enters the room and shows me the way to the floor). Using the night scope, I was able to determine that I was witnessing a meeting of the Blue Emir (Kenmore Progressive Upright) and all his "No. 2's" (from left to right): the Kenmore facing his fighters, the Rigid Wet/Dry Vac (responsible for attacks in the garage and areas where home reconstruction is underway), the Bissell Steam-Cleaner (responsible for attacks by land or sea, mainly in the rec room and stairway), the Dirt Devil Upright (Kenmore's personal physician and closest confidant), and the Shark Handheld (responsible for kamikaze missions throughout the entire Stewart territory). After a brief address from the Blue Emir, all the cleaners raised their hoses in a chilling fashion reminiscent of the "Sig Heil!" of Nazi Germany. After shifting my position to get a better vantage point of the action, my cover was blown when I knocked a baby bib that was draped over the back of the barker-lounger onto the floor [side note: Stew strategically places baby bibs throughout the house so that he can always easily find one whenever it's feeding time for Claire]. After my position was exposed, the cleaners all pointed in my direction and started to "ROAR!" As they initiated a blitz on my location, I called out for Agent Tucker to assist me. My thoughts were that Tucker could easily subdue the Shark Handheld vac while I used my ninja skills to restrain (or kill) the uprights and the wet/dry vac.

[End of log]

Again for security reasons, I'm forbidden from reprinting any additional information. What I can tell you is that the battle was fierce. The Rigid Wet/Dry Vac, the Dirt Devil Upright, the Bissell Steam-Cleaner, and the Shark Handheld were all pinned down in the basement and eventually seized. They are all currently being detained in the Trane Provincial Detention Camp (or, the area of our basement next to our Trane furnace... adjacent to the water heater). A large banner reading "Nothing stops a Trane" can be found on the wall facing the prisoners... it's all part of my psychological warfare on the vacuums. Proving that I'm a compassionate captor, each prisoner is occasionally released from confinement to exercise... but they must be accompanied by Stew.

So, you might be wondering "whatever happened to The Kenmore?" Well, my friends, the absurd premise of "they'll follow us home" almost actually occurred! Like the coward it is, the Kenmore bolted up the stairs trying to escape our house (and find safety within yours) while his troops took to battle with Agents Theo and Tucker. Upon reaching the upstairs sector of our house, though, the Blue Emir was met with a secret weapon. So secret, in fact, that I didn't even know about it...

Having been awaken myself by all the thunderous activity in the basement, I was making my way toward the stairs when I happened upon a terrifying event. Luckily, the action was caught on the living room nanny cam. To my horror, I found The Kenmore in hand-to-hose combat with none other than little baby Claire! Our little secret weapon! Unbenounced to me, Claire has been sleeping in her combat fatigues (aka Carter brand bib overalls) ever since I announced my war on the Kenmore terror network. Anyway, by the time I entered the room (to cower behind a chair), Claire had the Kenmore by its power cord, preparing to hog tie the beast. Knowing there's a security camera in the living room, Claire - the little diva that she is - posed for the camera throughout the duration of her skirmish with The Kenmore. Unfortunately, due to the grotesque nature of the vengeance Claire unleashed on The Kenmore, I can't show you any more video footage. Claire says the photos would undoubtedly dishearten her grandmas if they saw the brutality she carries inside of her.

Anyway, I'm keeping the terror alert at Watch Your Ass! until I deem it's safe around here. Stew has been interrogating The Kenmore on a daily basis by using a technique of hard labor (i.e., vacuuming the house each day). Stew tells The Kenmore, "if you like dog hair so much, then here you go... start suckin'!" Then he pushes The Kenmore across the carpet or rug, then pulls it back... repeating this method in an attempt to get The Kenmore to tell us where other Kenmore sleeper cells are hiding. But, so far The Kenmore isn't talking... but just give us time.

So, because Claire is now the heroine of the house, we've had parade after parade in her honor. So many parades, in fact, that I've been unable to blog. Hopefully, there are still a few stragglers out there who have hung in long enough to read today's entry. In the meantime, speak of the devil... Claire is standing beside me holding Stew's skateboard from junior high in her hands. We use the skateboard as a parade float atop which Claire sits while I pull her around the house. It's not that bad except for the fact that she insists on wearing that damn Hello Kitty tiara that Aunt Dee (Rosemount) gave to Stew at his third 39th birthday festivus. At least I don't have to wear it anymore...

Well, I gotta go... Claire is growing angry and starting to turn a little green... like a baby Hulk. And trust me, you wouldn't like Claire when she's angry. She grows thick hair and eyebrows, then tears off her onesy and starts tossing Stew around the room like a little ragdoll. It's scary.

You say it's your birthday...

Just like her Papa Stew, Claire seems to have a birthday every other day. Yesterday happened to be Claire's

9-month birthday. To celebrate, Stew dressed her up in bib overalls, put her on the floor to crawl around, then went downstairs to watch The View, leaving me to babysit the birthday girl. Then again, he does this about every day, so I guess Claire's birthday was no different than most other days. Crawling around on the dirty hardwood floors must be some sort of rite of passage. I recall Stew and Uncle Frannie's 37th birthday blowout a couple summers ago. Sometime after 2AM, Frannie was found sliding face-first across the hardwood floors in the living room... "film at eleven," as they say. I've got a photo somewhere but no time to dig it up.

In the meantime, I've got my hands full with Claire. I hope to blog much more tomorrow, but that's entirely up to Claire.

Milking the birthday cow

In case you hadn't heard, Stew had a birthday last month (June 25th to be exact). There are quite a few important people who share June 25th as a birth date: George Orwell, Phyllis George, George Michael and Jimmy "J.J." Walker. And, I'd probably get an earful if I failed to mention my Uncle Frannie. A verbal restraining order from Frannie prevents me from using his real name on this blog, but his initials are also "J.J.", which is sort of creepy. What's with all the George's and J.J.'s being born on the 25th of June? Anyway, Stew and Frannie were born on the same day... at the same hospital... in the same room... but to different mothers. Back in those days, their moms shared the room. I dare anyone to ask either fella to tell you the tale of their bazaar friendship growing up together in Pierre, SD, as an outgrowth of this happenstance. They seem to constantly rip on each other, yet they are strangely close. It would also seem to me that God was running low on "quality" on June 25, 1968, but it appears Stew got what good looks, brains, charm and athletic ability God was handing out that day (relative to Uncle Frannie, that is). I can tell you Frannie was a decent wrestler in high school. Oh, and he once dated a sexy number from Brazil or Peru or someplace warm and exotic... she could've been one of them there he-she's from Thailand for all I know, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, to celebrate his 39th birthday in style, Stew somehow managed to milk three separate birthday festivi (I'm sure this is the plural form of "festivus"). The first party took place at The Karl Invitational Croquet & Lawn Golf Tournament in Waubun, MN, over the June 23rd weekend. In true Stew fashion, he showed up with a couple (gluten-free) cakes, demanding that everyone in attendance recognize his birthday and wish him well. Incidentally, if you live in Minneapolis and are looking for a FABULOUS gluten-free and low-glycemic baked good, then please check out Madwoman Bakeshop & Foodery (http://www.madwomanfoods.com/). The Peter Karl family even provided a sign for our tent, as well as a Dwight Schrute for President 2008 t-shirt (I don't have a picture of the t-shirt, so I'm posting a pin instead). Additionally, Stew was surprised with two magazine subscriptions from The Erickson Clan... one to Bon Appetit and the other to Cooking with Paula Deen. For those who don't know, Paula Deen is always on the Food Network cooking with tubs of mayonnaise and pounds of butter... right up Stew's alley. So, needless to say, Stew made out like a bandit in that he was not expecting any gifts. His only mission was to force his friends into honoring the date of his birth.

Upon return home from The Invitational, we had Sunday evening dinner with the notorious Johnson Family from Chicago. The family is comprised of Momma's cousin Jane, her hubby Scott (aka SexyFatDad101), and the three "hitmen": Spencer, Blake and Nash. I'm starting to believe that all little boys who visit this house are given instructions to chase me and attempt to capture my tail. I'm not sure what they plan to do with my tail IF they were to catch it, but I'm not about to find out. Anyway, another unexpected surprise presented itself to Stew when The Johnsons gave him two books - a David Sedaris book (the greatest writer ever), plus an Al Franken book (that Stew plans to send to his mom after he has finished reading it... even though she'll likely use it as a coaster rather than actually reading it). One thing Stew DID plan for this dinner was to have Aunt Karen bring a German Chocolate cake (this is not an actual photo of the cake, but it will do). Somehow I think Stew knew there would be leftover cake and that Aunt Karen would "suggest" that Stew just keep the extra pieces of cake for himself. Of course, he'd have to somehow manage to keep Momma away from the leftover cake, so Stew licked every single piece while standing in front of her. It was gross, but it worked. For that, I applaud Stew's ingenuity... no matter how disgusting.

On July 4th, Aunt Veronica and Uncle Mattie showed up with their weiners - Theo and Tucker (http://www.weinerdograces.com/). So, since the Fargonians were in town, Stew decided it would be an appropriate time for another modest gathering so people who had not yet had the opportunity to toast him would have the chance to do so... although "roast" is a more appropriate term. Knowing how much Stew and I love cats, Aunt Dee (Rosemount) showed up with a huge Hello Kitty balloon, complete with Hello Kitty bubble necklace party favors (to be used at a yet to be determined future party), a Hello Kitty tiara, and a t-shirt with flying monkeys on it (with the phrase, It's all fun & games until the flying monkeys attack). I couldn't find a picture of the t-shirt on the web, so I'm posting this monkey with a rocket strapped to his back instead. Either way, flying monkeys are evil. Another guest, Newman, gave Stew a t-shirt that had an educational message: Don't swallow your gum. Apparently there was a sale on young men's tee shirts at Kohl's Department Store this past week... Nonetheless, Stew loves his tee shirts, especially now that he doesn't have to wear a shirt and tie to work everyday. Although, it would be nice to see him dress up every now and again instead of prancing around the house in his Fruit-of-the-Loom tighty whities (with ginormous holes in them... and I'm not talking about the holes through which he puts his legs). Anyway, in addition to the tee shirts, Stew also received a VERY nice bottle of Maker's Mark Bourbon Whiskey from The Rios Gang... and if Grandpa Bob happens to read this blog entry, there's a good chance Stew will be required to share said bottle with Bob on his next visit (Bob -- this stuff is smooooth... notice how the bottle cap is sealed with melted wax, which must be a sure sign of goodness). And, our family also received some fresh ears of corn from The Tufvander Trio (Wally, Shannon and Luke). Luke is just a few months older than Claire, and boy can that guy move. He was walkin' all over the place, and I think I even heard him singing a Johnny Cash tune. "What about dessert, Bogey" you ask? Well, since Stew didn't line up anybody to bake him a cake, he bought $1.75 worth of Little Debbie snacks and called it his "White Trash Dessert Tray." All in all, it was a very nice evening, except for the broken air conditioner and the 101 degree temperature outside... So, Stew went to the basement to get his industrial fan, which he placed in the living room so all the hot air coming from Uncle Kermit's mouth would circulate through the kitchen and out the back window. Regardless, it was still very warm in our house, and Kermit's stories just kept flowin'.

Luckily, after Newman arrived, we learned that he's not only just a food chemist by day, but he's also an A/C repair guy by night. Additionally, he's a responsible member of the golf community, as well as a Jedi Knight, so the guy has a lot going for him. The Jedi picture is not Newman, but the resemblance is uncanny. So, he and Stew disassembled the A/C unit and sprayed it with the garden hose. Very technical work. They re-assembled the unit and only had three screws left over when they finished... which is par for the course whenever Stew's involved on a project. Whatever they did worked, and the house returned to a brisk 72 degrees. Unfortunately for the few guests, this didn't happen until about 4AM the next morning. Fortunately for us, everybody left before midnight!

Well, ever since Claire learned to crawl, it's my job to keep track of her whereabouts while Stew naps or watches his stories downstairs. So, I need to go find what piece of furniture she's managed to crawl into or under and pull her out to safety. In the meantime, enjoy some photos from this past week...

[LEFT] Stew modeling his Hello Kitty tiara with Claire and me

[RIGHT] Claire models her "Cutie on Duty" onesy that Aunt Dee (Florida) sent

[LEFT] Claire helping her Papa with the laundry
[RIGHT] Claire and I model more Hello Kitty crap from Aunt Dee (Rosemount)













[BELOW] Total humiliation

Puzzler genes 1 vs Athlete genes 0

Momma is what we refer to as a "puzzler", meaning one who likes to construct puzzles... but only when she is in the presence of other puzzlers (i.e., her mom, sister or Uncle Pete). I remember New Year's Eve 2005 as if it were yesterday... it was close to midnight on the eve of January 1st. Nine humans (Momma, Stew, Michelle, Pete, Veronica, Matt, Susan, Kermit and Russell) and four dogs (Berkley, Ole, Theo and yours truly) were holed up in a cabin somewhere in northern Minnesota. Everyone took turns cooking dinner (and Russell always brings his homemade Irish Cream... it's to die for), and Stew elected to provide party revelers with a Mardis Gras-themed New Year's Eve dinner -- complete with Hurricanes -- to honor my New Orleans heritage. In the event you live under a rock or don't know what a Hurricane is, then go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_(cocktail)

So, with his Emeril Lagasse cookbook (a Christmas gift from Aunt Karen), Stew - with Momma's help - set out to create a Truffle Potato Soup with Truffle Mushroom Dumplings. While the soup simmered, Stew started creating Hurricanes using Hurricane mix shipped directly from Pat O'Brien's Pub in New Orleans (recipe here: http://www.patobriens.com/howtohurricane.html). In the event you are unfamiliar with the Hurricane drink, it's named "Hurricane" for a reason... mainly because it can cause a lot of destruction if not administered conservatively. But "conservative" is not a word familiar to this gang of yahoos (picture Momma streaking around the outside of the cabin on a dare... it might have happened... or maybe not...). Anyway, Stew's attempt at making Bananas Foster after dinner (and after a few too many Hurricanes) did not go well... which is why Uncle Matt was positioned nearby with fire extinguisher in hand.

So, why am I telling this story anyway? Oh, that's right... the puzzlers. Basically, Momma and Uncle Pete can sit and put together a puzzle for hours on end while the rest of these rowdies play cards, watch videos or... well, I can't tell you EVERYTHING that goes on at these New Year's Eve gatherings, but I can show you a picture of Stew taken minutes after he finished his third Hurricane. So, while the other folks party and call them "nerds" and "puzzlers", Momma and Uncle Pete sit quietly constructing their puzzle. They even have a secret handshake (it's just a fist knock, but it's "theirs").

Time to bring this story back home... Momma obviously has a "puzzler gene" in her make-up. Grandma Helen passed it down to her two daughters, and it appears Linda has passed it along to Claire (see video below). Much to Stew's dismay, I might add. You see, Stew continues to put mini-basketballs in front of Claire in the hopes she will eventually become the star point guard for the Minnesota Golden Gophers (or some other Big Ten school) and go on to a stellar career in the WNBA... thereby earning more than enough money to pay for Stew and Momma to travel the country playing golf (as soon as they both learn how to actually play the game). Unfortunately, Claire is more interested in eating the basketballs at this point, so we're not sure where this will end up. In the meantime, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish...

4,000 words

They say "a picture's worth a thousand words...", so here are 4,000 words for you. I would use just one word, and that word would be "cute". Someone also once asked, "if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear, does it still make a sound?" Well, I pose the following question to you, my faithful readers: "if Claire is playing in her crib but nobody is there to see it, is she still the cutest baby in the world?" I submit the answer is a resounding "Yes!" Maybe I'm wrong, but I doubt it...

There are MANY new pictures (finally) posted to the CLAIRE folder if you follow the MY PICTURES link on the right side of this blog. Give me a break... it's only been five months since I last updated the picture folder! I also added a couple movie clips of Claire. Happy viewing!