THE OFFICE returns!

NOTE: My apologies for the tardiness of this posting. As you might have read, I experienced technical difficulties uploading the video of Claire. I've yet to hear from Bogdana, my Bulgarian tech support gal. Regardless, I figured out on my own that the 42nd try (uploading the video) is the charm. So, read on faithful bloggees...

As you can see, Claire is very excited for the season premier of The Office tonight. She's been waiting all summer to find out what's going to happen on Jim and Pam's date. However, Claire's favorite character is Ryan, the intern... who is now a regional manager. And, Stew's been wearing his Dwight Schrute for President - 2008 shirt all week, but he finally threw it in the dirty clothes hamper this morning. He's now wearing his It's all fun & games until the flying monkeys attack t-shirt. I recently saw his Atari t-shirt stacked on top of a bunch of freshly laundered clothing, so I'm sure the shirt will be back in the rotation before too long.

Anyway, I know there are at least three additional The Office fans out there in my blogisphere, so here are a couple more clips I received from Aunt Dee (Florida) over the last couple months (thanks, Dee!). Enjoy... oh, and don't forget to tune in to the season premier of The Office on NBC at 8:00pm (CST).

The Office - Summer Vacation


The Bourne Ultimatum - The Office version

Technical Difficulties... Please stand by

For the last two days, I've been trying to upload a short, little video clip Claire made in honor of the season premier of The Office. Unfortunately, the show ran last night... and we are still having technical issues this morning. I've got an email into the support folks, but I suppose it has to make it's way all the way to India before I get any response. Plus, I recently read that India has started following the U.S. economic policy of outsourcing jobs to other countries where labor is "more competitive" (cheap), so I'm expecting an email response any day now from Bogdana, a burly Bulgarian girl with an online Computer Science Degree from DeVry Institute. Please stay tuned...

The Reveal

Time to come clean. Here is a portion of the letter I received in the Top Secret packet from the MMI Genomics laboratory that was delivered to me by Secret Agent Claire. After you review the letter and Certificate of DNA Breed Analysis, I think you'll agree that I am a riddle tucked inside a mystery that's wrapped in an enigma all packaged neatly inside an adorable little dog.

[the Top Secret letter]

Dear Bogart,

We have completed our analysis of your DNA sample recently submitted to MMI Genomics for Canine Heritage Breed Testing. Please note the following:

Based on the DNA results, we believe the breeds that are most prevalent in your heritage are probably not represented in our 38 validated breeds. We are currently working on adding breeds to future versions of the test in order to represent a wider range of canine breeds. Although your results provide some insight into your heritage, for further information we recommend that you re-test your DNA when those versions become available.

Below you will find a brief explanation of how your DNA results can be interpreted. The enclosed Certificate of DNA Breed Analysis reports the results for your individual test.

Primary - This category means your DNA contains a majority of a specific breed (i.e., 50% or greater). Rarely will a mixed breed dog have a breed listed in this category unless one or both of their parents are purebred.

Secondary - This category represents the DNA of breeds detected at significant levels. While these breeds may have a strong influence on your heritage, each breed listed makes up less than the majority of your DNA.

In the Mix - This category identifies breeds that appear in your DNA, but only in small amounts. Sometimes, this represents breeds earlier in your ancestry. If your results only identify breeds in this category, there is a good chance your heritage is composed of one or more additional breeds that are not yet part of our 38 validated breeds. Or, you are composed of so many different breeds that only low amounts of identifiable breeds can be detected.

NOTE: I'm adding a close-up shot for cats with poor eyesight...

Who's your daddy... Part "Who cares?"

Some of you might recall that several weeks ago Momma and Stew sent away for DNA tests to determine my breed (or, at the least, to find out what breeds make up my mix). I presented you with a list of 38 possible breeds from which to choose... that is, if you wanted to submit a guess as to my heritage. We already knew that I'm a Creole from New Orleans, but we were interested to learn if DNA tests could tell us what exact breed(s) make up my mix. Momma guessed I'm part Saint Bernard, while Stew thought I must have some German Shepherd in my blood. The rest of you didn't really seem to care since only Aunt Karen and Aunt Dee (Florida) submitted guesses (Thank you, ladies). You know, it's really heart-warming to see how many of you really give a squirrel's ass about my heritage. Seriously. Your disinterest means the world to me.

So, as my way of showing you how much your indifference truly means, here's a little video Claire helped me create to present you with the results. Enjoy... suckers!

A dog's life

My little gal pal, Lily, came over for a visit last Thursday. Using my mad powers of persuasion, I managed to talk her into spending the night (we slept in separate rooms, of course... nothing inappropriate here). As usual, Stew broke out the camera and shot a few photos of the event. The photo at right is all us kids watching Momma head off to work Friday morning. After taking the photo, Stew retired back to the bedroom leaving me to feed Claire and our guest. Typical. As usual, Stew graced us with his presence again just before his story, Days of Our Lives, aired at noon. Stew likes to catch the final showdown on Family Feud before watching his soap opera. He doesn't understand how any family could possibly NOT win the $20,000 prize in the Lightening Round at the end of The Feud. His theory is that if your family can't come up with the #1 answer to questions like, "Name a household appliance used to open cans of food," then you and your stock should be trimmed from the herd. I think Stew's secretly signing our family (and himself) up for game shows, but I can't confirm this to be fact... so, stay tuned. Stew's second theory on game shows is that if you act like a total idiot in tryouts, you clearly enhance your chances of appearing on the show (source: Deal or No Deal). Anyway, the photos at left were taken Friday after lunch when Stew refused to let Lily and me back in the house. It's a power trip for Stew. He often taunts me for not having opposable thumbs and, therefore, lacking the ability to grasp objects (or open doors). He doesn't have much else to point to, so I allow him these little victories. Stew has a nasty habit of building himself up by breaking others down. He often teases Momma, but it doesn't phase her either. She simply points out to Papa Stew that he's "being a douche bag", at which point he droops his head, pouts and leaves the room.

So, back to Lily... the Mr. Mom movie clip below reminds me of when Momma and Papa fight. But it's also reminiscent of when Aunt Julie picked up Lily on Friday. Specifically, there's a part in this clip referring to Mr. Mom (Michael Keaton) wearing the same shirt for several days in a row. Coincidentally Stew does this, too. He'll wear his Atari t-shirt for a week or so, then switch to his GI Joe t-shirt for another week... and the viscious cycle continues. But he made a point of wearing a pullover on Friday when Aunt Julie came to pick up Lily so that she (Julie) wouldn't notice Stew was still wearing his Thursday outfit. But, I'm a bettin' dog, and I'm willing to wager Julie figured it out based on Stew's disheveled appearance (not to mention his scent).

And, finally... here's one of my own videos showing Lily probably didn't totally enjoy her visit to our pad. Claire, on the other hand, had a blast getting to know Lily.

Bathroom humor

Another quick post. That makes two in one day. You should feel very special.

Anyway, Stew left the bathroom door open this morning. That's what is commonly referred to in our house as a "no-no". In fact, most anything Claire does these days elicits a "no-no" response from either Momma or Stew. Me? I get nothing but praise... from Momma, that is. Stew, on the other hand, can only manage to ask me if I want to "go outside?" Otherwise, he doesn't have much to say to me. But that suits me just fine as I don't have much to say to him (except when I need to go outside).

Here's Claire dashing from our lovely pink upstairs bathroom (Momma calls it "retro" in order to feel better about having a crappy pink bathroom... pun intended). The second photo was taken after Claire got busted fleeing the crime scene...

Great friends

No matter how crazy the world gets, one thing holds true - great friends and family make it all worthwhile. So today, I'm going to post a movie Stew made prior to my joining the Stewart family. A few years ago, when Aunt Susan and Uncle Kermit went on a week-long vacation, they had Berkley and Ole spend time at our house. As usual, Stew dressed them up in little outfits and took their pictures... basically he humiliated them. But, he also shot quite a few "normal" photos. One weekend while The Erickson Boyz were here, Aunt Dee & Remmy, plus Aunt Julie & Lily, came over for coffee and an afternoon in our dog park (aka "our backyard"). So, Stew shot photos of the dog park afternoon and combined them with the other photos to create a video montage called Best Friends: A Week with The Stewarts.

This afternoon, Lily is coming over to spend a night with us while Aunt Julie is at a conference in St. Cloud (I'm assuming there's a BIG party tonite at the conference center lounge that Julie is required to attend). Also, we want to send our best thoughts to Aunt Susan and Uncle Kermit today. We all love you!!! So, in honor of all our friends and family everywhere, I present a TwoDogs Productions short film, Best Friends...

Momma's at it again...

Momma ran another race last weekend with her buddy, Bev. It was the 26th Annual City of Lakes 25K Run. It's a race around two of the largest Minneapolis lakes - Lake Harriet and Lake Calhoun (the latter is pictured at right). For those less in tune with the Metric System, 25 kilometers is "ruffly" 15.534 miles. Speaking of brilliant, Stew has decided to refrain from running any additional races with Momma. You might recall he ran a 10K earlier this summer and nearly exploded during and afterwards. So, don't expect him to be running again this year... or ever. However, take note that he says he once ran nearly 25 kilometers in high school. This is the approximate distance from Pierre, SD, to the Oahe Dam (north of Pierre). Specifically, there's a teen gathering point just west of the Oahe Dam called Bauske Beach, named after a guy a year older than Stew (Lance Bauske). Bauske was known for organizing numerous "KEGs" (Knowledge Engineering Groups), so it was fairly easy for him to establish his own beach. One night, the Stanley County Sheriff's Department decided to raid a Bauske Beach kegger Stew was attending, so Stew took off running down the beach and eventually made his way up the bluffs toward the highway leading back to town. He ran so as not to shame the family name by getting caught at a party -- even though he was NOT partaking in underage drinking. Stew was just there to monitor the event and "scope out chicks" (his words, not mine). Also, let the record show Stew says he was framed by police the three or so times he was actually arrested in high school. Anyway, someone eventually found Stew alongside the highway and transported him the rest of the way back to town (probably to Amy Klein's house for an after-keg party). Stew tried many times to establish Stew's Slough near the Oahe Dam, but he couldn't get enough people interested in drinking in a wetland. Stew says his peers complained about too much mud, too many mosquitos and a lack of hot chicks at Stew's Slough. To the best of my knowledge, Bauske Beach lives on.

Anyway, back to Momma... she finished the 25K in a time of 2:41:16, placing in the top 82 percent of all female runners. She lowered her per mile pace from around 11 minutes to under 10.5 minutes. So, by the time she runs the Twin Cities' Marathon next month, she'll be right up there in the lead pack. Claire plans to hold a sign along the marathon, but Stew's concerned that she'll just throw it on the street. She's currently going through a phase (at least we hope it's a phase) where she throws everything onto the floor. Momma's prize for running the 25K was a commemorative beer stein. Stew thinks it's awesome, but Momma is royally peeved. I overheard her complaining to Stew while shaking the stein in his face, "What's with this [bleep]? I wanted a t-shirt!" So, it looks like the beer stein is going to find it's way to the same place all Stew's college beer mugs went... to the Goodwill store. At least his mugs got to rest in the garage for several months before being taken to their final resting place. But I don't think this stein is going to be around for long. And I'm hoping they give Momma a car or something after she runs the Twin Cities' Marathon. I don't want to be around if she brings home another beer stein!

Until I start my other blog, here's a little Jon Stewart clip for you to view. Watch it before El Presidente` Bush gives his speech Thursday night. And, if you watch the speech, I challenge you to count the number of times Dubya says "making progress", "9/11", "hardwork" or links Al Queda to Iran ('cause the law Congress passed in 2002 gives him authority to attack ANY country without Congressional approval as long as he can tie that country to the 9/11 attacks... thus all the talking points about Iran supporting Al Queda). Lastly, take note in the clip where the General says his report was not written/reviewed by the Whitehouse prior to his presenting it to Congress. And you wonder why I'm an angry mutt. Grrrrrrrr...

Addressing my obsessions

As you might have noticed, I've developed quite the little obsession with the Fox News Channel. Watching Fox News is like snorting Milkbones -- a terrible habit I cannot break. This blog was created to give insight into my child rearing experiences, as well as provide updates on Claire's journey from Cutest Baby Ever to Cutest Toddler Ever (and beyond). Therefore, the way forward is to do my best to keep politics out of this blog. In fact, it's not out of the question that I start a sister-blog. A place where I can rant about how the world is coming crashing to an end at the hands of the mainstream media (mainly Fox News), corrupt politicians, Fascist neo-conservatives, and "the Lil Bushies". An interesting parting shot -- Fox News' Brit Hume SOMEHOW managed to snag an exclusive interview with General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker to discuss their "independent" testimony to congress yesterday about "successes" in Iraq. A close friend emailed me to ask "how can anyone watch Fox News and still have any self-respect?" I'm afraid I cannot answer this... mainly 'cause I watch the channel non-stop and, therefore, I loathe myself and would be just as happy stabbing myself in the eye.

So, I've decided to replace my Fox News fetish with my picture- and movie-posting fascination. I'm still using Stew's 35mm camera to make the little videos, thus the quality remains poor. The reason is that Stew has yet to teach me how to download movies from his camcorder. Truth be told, I don't think Stew knows how to download the videos himself... and there are videos on the camcorder dating back 6+ months! So without further adu, here are my latest creations.

How Claire starts each day...

Claire's favorite The Wiggles song...

Goodness, Gracious... Great Balls of Fire!

Watch out Jerry Lee Lewis... 'cause here comes Claire Elizabeth Stewart. And she not only jams on the piano, but she also plays spoons! I don't have much to say today. Well, actually, I do... however, I just can't find the time. So instead, I leave you with Pics- and Vids-O-Plenty of Claire doin' her thing. Enjoy!











Claire's new favorite t-shirt (see more photos at MY PICTURES link)

Claire and her favorite spoon...

Claire kickin' it old skool to the Kriss Kross song, "Jump!"

(the original Kriss Kross video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UgficQpYE4)

Claire tipsy from too much of Momma's Gatorade...