Living in a fantasy world

Ever since I've known Stew, he's been living in a fantasy world. Not only did he land a gorgeous, talented, successful wife... but he also gets to hang out with Claire and me each and every day. Plus, he's a man that's REALLY into fantasy sports. No, not the kind involving little fairies, druids and fire-breathing dragons (no offense, Uncle Kermit). And I don't mean how Stew continues to live in a fantasy world where he believes he was the star of his high school basketball team. Instead, I'm talking more along the lines of fantasy football. So that's why I was so excited to learn about WaiverWire - a brand new site designed by former Wall Street guys with a passion for football. Fed up with the financial markets, these dudes got together and built an incredible website for fantasy football players. They applied the format, tools, and techniques for analyzing stocks and applied them to NFL player and fantasy football team analysis.

WaiverWire.com has everything you need to win your fantasy league in one place, including:

*Fantasy football draft software
*Fantasy football news
*Fantasy football analysis
*Fantasy football forum
*Fantasy football research
*Access to over 100 Local NFL team news feeds
*Fantasy football rankings
*Fantasy player comparisons

So if you have a special man in your life, you've got to do what I did and turn him onto WaiverWire!

Help Wanted: Pool Boy

Every year at this time, Grandma and Grandpa leave their farm to come for a visit. So today, keeping with tradition, Auntie Karen took Grandpa to The Great Minnesota Sweat Together (that'd be the State Fair for you non-MinneSOtans) while Momma and Grandma canned homemade pickles. After the last pickle was canned, the two joined Claire for an afternoon of lounging by the pool. Then it was Stew's turn to make pickled peppers with the four pounds of jalapenos he harvested from his "special" garden yesterday. I don't know if he used some hybrid plants or created these peppers on his own, but I've gotta hand it to him - these peppers look "hot" and even make this dog's mouth water! Unfortunately, it didn't take long for Stew to start spewing profanities after he learned the ladies used up all the mustard seed on their [bleeping] pickles... and, as luck would have it, the local grocery store just so happens to be sold out of mustard seed. Anyway, being mustard seedless left Stew in a foul mood, so I decided it was time for me to join the gals out by the pool. Plus, Grandpa and Karen arrived back home from The Fair and headed for the backyard, too. Before too long, someone requested that Stew make some "umbrella drinks" and deliver them poolside, but he was still angry about the mustard see thing and pretended not to hear. Then I was asked to "play pool boy" and "go fetch some drinks", but the only drink I know how to make is a Dog Dish Martini...

DOG DISH MARTINI
1] Fill a drinking bowl about one-half to three-quarters full of water.
2] Place the water bowl next to your dog dish.
3] Fill the dog dish about half full with dog food - preferably smaller sized pellets.
4] Grab a mouthful of dog food in your mouth and chew 4-5 times, then immediately submerge your snout into the bowl of water and take a drink.
5] Remove snout and, if Step #4 was performed correctly, there should be a few dog food pellets floating on top of the water in the dish. If not, then repeat Step #4 as many times as necessary to produce the desired result.
* skim off any doggy drool that might be floating on top of the water (optional)
6] Carefully pierce the floating dog food pellets with a toothpick, add a drink umbrella, and serve at room temperature.

Anyway, here are a couple pics from the afternoon...

Grandma, Grandpa and Claire... wearing a little piggy crown Grandpa and Auntie Karen brought her from The Fair.

Being super cute and playing in the pool all day can really tire a girl out!

It's time for some timely elegance

Momma's been working really hard lately, which is why we're so glad she decided to take a week off of work for some personal time. On Monday, after getting up early to clean the kitchen (isn't that Stew's job?) before taking me out for a walk, she spent the afternoon at a spa. Yesterday she did some more cleaning while Stew was nowhere to be found.But today she plans to spend the day lounging by the pool with Claire (Claire's toddler pool, that is). But I want to do something special for Momma, and she's always talked about getting herself a watch. Being a farm girl, she currently tells time based on the position of the sun in the sky, but that's sort of difficult to do when you're stuck inside the belly of a behemoth health insurance company all day. So, I plan to get Momma a watch from www.bluedial.com. More specifically, I'm getting her a Citizen eco drive ladies watch. Along with a gazillion different features, this particular watch charges in sunlight OR indoors - perfect for Momma. And since Stew will most likely complain if I don't get him a gift, I'm giving him a Citizen brand watch that can tell you the time in 42 different cities around the world. This will come in handy whenever Stew starts retelling one of his old high school basketball stories that are incredibly brutal to sit through. Now, whenever he starts in on one of his stories, we can ask, "Stew, do you know what time it is in Nairobi?" And this should keep him preoccupied long enough to forget he was about to bore us with one of his "glory days" stories. Plus, since Nairobi isn't one of the 42 cities programmed into the watch, it means hours upon hours of peace and quiet for us while Stew fiddles with the watch.

Anyway, I'm sure everyone can think of a reason to buy a new watch, so I encourage you to take some time and check out what www.bluedial.com has to offer. Now it's time for me to fly. Happy shopping!

Family Fun Weekend!

This past weekend, Uncle Doug (aka "StewCat") and his family came to visit. Accompanying StewCat was my Aunt Peggy, cousin Bridget (11 yrs) and my canine cousin Lucky (6 yrs). It was a rare appearance by the SoDak Stewarts, who reside in Brookings. It's apparently a Stewart tradition to communicate solely through email and avoid all human contact, aside from an occasional phone call on specific holidays (when Grandma Stewart gets a phone call). So, I've never been to Brookings, and I don't think Stew and Momma have visited Brookings within the past four or five years. Then again, it is a whopping four hour drive from here, so can you blame us? Anyway, it was awesome for Claire to meet her extended family, and she's still walking around the house asking, "Where's Bridget?" She really misses her cousin, who played with Claire so nicely. In fact, Claire told both Momma and Stew to "go away" a few different times because she didn't want her play time with Bridget to be interrupted.

As for me, I eventually warmed up to Aunt Peggy and Bridget, but I was not too fond of the baseball cap Uncle StewCat was wearing. In fact, I don't much like anyone to be wearing a hat around my house, and I've even barked relentlessly at Stew on occasions he's worn his JonCrete Construction (for all your concrete needs in Central SoDak) golf hat inside the house. Here's JonCrete Construction owner and all-around nice guy, Johnny Flax, modeling the golf hat at Stew's 20-year high school class reunion in 2006. I just don't like hats. But my cousin, Lucky, doesn't seem to get bothered by anything. He's a chocolate lab that loves wild birds and swimming in lakes. Unfortunately, we could only manage to provide him with a toddler pool in which to dunk his head. You see, while we were all enroute to Bavaria Lake so Lucky could show off his swimming skills, we encountered a little stream at the end of the paved bike path. Normally, there's a plank extended over the stream that's wide enough for a jogging stroller and a four legged dog to comfortably walk across. However, for some reason, the plank has disappeared. The SoDak Stewarts - expert campers - were all wearing comfortable, waterproof sandals allowing them to simply wade across the stream (and push Claire across in her stroller). The Chaska Stewarts, on the other hand, were forced to leap over the stream... which did not turn out well. Without going into much detail, we decided to divert our path back home instead of continuing on to the lake. However, we did stop at the local playground so Claire could show off "her" swings, slides, sandbox and other playground equipment. Even Lucky got into the fun!

How does my butt look from back there?

Life's been good lately... at least on days that it doesn't rain. You see, I've been getting up early to go for runs with Momma while Stew and Claire have their own morning exercise routine consisting of sawing logs from their respective beds. I have to slow my running pace quite a bit so I'm not dragging her along, but there's nothing like the freshness of the Chaska morning air as we run through the trees around the lake. And a friendly note to anyone who utilizes a walking/biking path with their dog: please be so kind as to pick up after your canine if he/she decides to leave a deposit in the middle of the path. Seriously, I'm amazed by how many dog turds we're forced to dodge during our 3-mile runs... it's like a mini-obstacle course.

Anyway, Stew's got Claire on some sort of work-out regimen of his own. After Momma drives off for work, Stew and Claire head for the couch to catch about 30 minutes of Fox & Friends on the Fox News Channel for Stew's morning dose of propaganda. Claire calls this morning show, "Papa Cartoons"... most likely referring to cartoonish host, Steve Doocy, or his Woodsy Owl look-a-like co-host, Gretchen Carlson. Luckily, Claire can tell the show is draining what's left of Stew's common sense, so she starts to put up a fuss around 7:30am by informing Stew, "I want to go for a bike ride!" (pronounced "bi-wide"). So Stew reluctantly turns off the TV and prepares Claire's breakfast... which usually includes about a pound of bacon so he can make himself one of his infamous bacon-egg-and-bacon-bagel sandwiches (with extra mayonnaise and jalapeno peppers). I'll pause now to allow you time to run to the bathroom to vomit.

Welcome back! After breakfast, Stew loads Claire into the Burley and pedals her off to the Chaska Town Park where Claire can swing, slide, climb and play in a big sandbox. There's also a large field where Claire can kick her soccer ball, although Stew also makes her shoot hoops on the basketball court in keeping with his plans to mold her into a starting point guard for the University of Minnesota women's basketball team (despite the lack of strong athletic genes in our family). Incidentally, the park is located next to the Chaska Town Course - our gorgeous public golf course. So after Claire gets her fill of playground equipment and running around while Stew's sprawled out atop a picnic table, the two plop down in the grass to watch morning golfers play the 9th Hole (in this particular photo, Claire is pointing at a flock of geese hanging out in the fairway just in front of the green). After watching golf for a while, it's time for the trip home... where there's more bacon sandwiches and maybe a DVD (and almost certainly a nap). So, as you can see, Stew is slowly but surely turning Claire into an uninformed, undisciplined, chubby 40+ yr old man by exposing her to his lifestyle of cable news, bacon-mayonnaise sandwiches, sitting around watching golf and DVDs, taking long naps, and finishing the day with even more propaganda - plus just a hint of "run for the hills!" fear-mongering - when the Glenn Beck Show comes on the Fox News Channel in the afternoon.

Speaking of Fox News, have you heard about the recent NBC/Wall Street Journal poll that pretty much shows Fox News Channel viewers are operating off a different set of facts than the rest of the country? For example:

On Health Care Reform, Those Who Believe That It Will…	MSNBC/CNN Viewers	Fox News Viewers
Give Coverage To Illegal Immigrants:	41%	72%
Lead To A Government Takeover:	39%	79%
Pay For Abortions:	40%	69%
Stop Care To The Elderly:	30%	75%

In case you don't pay attention to politics or subjects of national interest (like my Uncle Jimmy), I should tell you these are statements that are known to be untrue; however, Fox News viewers believe them in overwhelming numbers. Plus, approximately 40% of MSNBC/CNN (purportedly "liberal" networks) viewers believe these myths. Cable news is info-tainment... it's hardly news at all, certainly isn't journalism, and is destroying America! Did you see the guy at the Montana town hall who stood up and told Obama, "I get my news from cable channels because I don't like the spin you get from the network news." Well done, Fox... just more evidence showing you are producing an audience of vastly misinformed, cultural illiterates. Fair and balanced? My ass! Aside from Stew, we prefer PBS/NPR and newspapers (local/national/foreign) for our news... although, Fox News viewers will tell you PBS/NPR are about as far left as you can go. Then again, the evidence consistently shows PBS/NPR supporters to be the most informed of the citizenry. Sorry, I don't mean to gloat or confuse some of you with actual facts. Well, okay, actually that is my intent... especially to the Anonymous commenter who called me a "moron" for not realizing Sarah Palin is the voice of the American people.

THIS JUST IN! From The Pew Research Center for the People & the Press... still more evidence cable news and most corporate media outlets are rotting the brains of millions of Americans. THIS story was published today at The Pew Research Center website (the graph at right is part of the study). I know, I know... if the info doesn't come from a Fox News poll or someplace like The Heritage Foundation, then it's just more liberal bias bullpucky. But on this blog I report, you decide. Hey, I like how that sounds. I think I'll use it as my new blog slogan.

And a final word from Jon Stewart from last night's The Daily Show... speaking of which, I seem to recall a 2007 Pew Research Center study that showed viewers of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report have the highest knowledge of national and international affairs, while Fox News viewers rank nearly dead last. Shocking... just shocking!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Fox News: The New Liberals
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Healthcare Protests

Big Brother is (or was) watching

Fear not, Glenn Beck fans... this isn't going to be a post about your irrational fear of a Big Government takeover. No, I'll save that post for another day (perhaps after the next patriotic American shows up at a presidential town hall meeting with a loaded gun strapped to his hip). Instead, my Big Brother comment refers to the two blimps that have been hovering over our house taking pictures for the past several days (during the PGA Championship tournament). The blimps are now gone, but Claire wants to know where they went? More on that later because I have some BREAKING NEWS!

Brett Favre, thrice retired NFL quarterback, landed at the St. Paul Airport about three hours ago to apparently sign a deal with the Minnesota Vikings football club. I know this because Vikings HQ is located very close to our local Costco discount warehouse, and Stew and Claire just returned from their weekly trip to Costco to purchase a 36 gallon jug of cheeseballs and 75-roll pack of toilet paper. As they were leaving Costco, Claire couldn't help but notice a news helicopter circling over the Vikings HQ. She immediately informed Stew, "Look, Papa! A helichoppa... how do we get up there?" After Stew explained the physics involved with propelling Claire and himself into the helichoppa, they jumped into the car for the trip home... and that's when they heard on the news about Brett Favre. I have no comment either way. I truly don't care if he's a Viking or not. Minnesota natives and lifelong Viking fans will no doubt feel differently. Minnesota sports teams have an uncanny way of crapping the bed at the end of the season (particularly on the off chance the team is actually about to make the playoffs). So, I'm not banking on a Viking Super Bowl appearance anytime soon. Back when he sold high quality furniture at a modest price to the education and healthcare markets, Stew got to see Favre and the Vikings battle it out at Green Bay's Lambeau Field on three separate occasions (the main furniture line Stew represented is headquartered in Green Bay, and the company owns a box at the stadium). Stew thinks the Vikings won all three times, but he can't be certain since there was free beer available in the box. It's a miracle he even remembers being at the games in the first place... although he did bring home photo evidence one year.

As for the blimps, Claire wasn't sure what to make of them. At first she was calling the blimp an "airplane", so Stew tried to correct her by getting her to call it an "airship". That lasted about two minutes until she was back to calling it an "airplane". Then Stew tried to get her to say "dirigible"... then "zeppelin"... but to no avail. Finally, the two settled on "blimp". Once that was established, Claire wanted to know "how do we get up there?" That's the question of the moment whenever she sees any flying vehicle. And once she heard the blimp was here because of Tiger Woods, she immediately surmised that Tiger Woods was actually inside the blimp... perhaps even flying it. Anyway, below is a photo taken from our garage where Claire is pointing at the blimp saying, "There's Tiger Woods up there!"

Out of bounds?

Well now I've gone and done it. After yesterday's advertisement post, I'm now in the doghouse with Momma - both literally and figuratively. She was not amused. You will recall I get opportunities sent to me from time to time asking me to write an advertisement for a particular product or service. And since I don't get paid to write this blog, nor have I been able to sell a single t-shirt since offering them for sale (I know, the price is outrageous), I have to earn money some way in order to satisfy my Milkbone fix. My Uncle Kermit would rather I put up a "Keep It Free" link so my four faithful bloggees could make donations. But I'll have none of that! So it's true. I'm a sell-out. But don't ask me why a feminine product manufacturer selected my blog on which to pay for advertising. Perhaps they found out about my reputation as a proud supporter of women rights. Who knows? Anyway, I just feel sorry for my newest friend, Parker Knox, a former newspaper man who now writes Parker's Midweek Update - a weekly blog/newsletter about all things happening in Pierre, SD. I asked Parker to promote my blog in his Midweek Update, which he does... so far. Unfortunately, I failed to warn him about my weekly left-leaning political rants, my overuse of the word "douchebag", and my occasional PG-13 rated posts about feminine products. Sorry, Parker. But many thanks for continuing to list my blog on your Blog Directory anyway. I really enjoy Parker's Midweek Update, and if there's anyone out there from Pierre who doesn't yet subscribe to it, go HERE to do so. It's got everything, including the sherbet schedule at Zesto, which any Pierre native will tell you is vital information. Zesto is, hands down, the best ice cream shop in the country. And in case you're wondering, here's the aforementioned sherbet schedule:

Friday-Sunday: strawberry

Monday-Tuesday: banana

Wednesday-Thursday: coconut

Aug. 21-23: strawberry cheesecake

Aug. 24-25: lime

Aug. 26-27: lemon

Aug. 28-30: cherry

Aug. 31-Sept. 1: orange

PK24 - Relax... and have some fun!

If you know me, then you know I'm all about empowering women. In fact, it's something I strive to accomplish via this blog on a daily basis (aside from my posts about Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann - those two consistently do a great disservice to intelligent women everywhere). Anyway, I'm just so excited to tell all my lady friends out there about a remarkable new breakthrough solution for vaginal relaxation—the natural result of aging and/or childbirth. PK24 is intended to provide women with a renewed sense of sexual confidence and empowerment by temporarily restoring the feeling of youthful resilience to an important personal part of the body (and I think you know what that body part is... please don't make me type va-jay-jay).

Safe enough to use every single day, PK24 can help women achieve heightened vaginal sensations and have better, more frequent orgasms. And who doesn't want that? Am I right, ladies? In the clinical trials, 78 percent of women reported an increase in satisfaction with their ability to reach orgasm when using PK24. PK24 is the first and only clinically tested, vaginal rejuvenation cream. The cream is formulated from a proprietary blend of plant extracts designed to hydrate the interior vaginal walls and create a tightening effect lasting up to 24 hours. The tightening effect allows for greater friction, and in turn enhances sensation and sexual pleasure for both a woman and her partner.

So if you want to get your confidence back, then give PK24 a try. You'll be glad you did! For more information, click here --> pk24

Priceless

Hosting your blog on Blogger.com --> $0

Having someone as bat-shit crazy as Congresswoman Michele Bachmann associated with your state of residence (but luckily not your voting district) --> A little lost pride.

Listening to Michele Bachmann say ignorant (and usually insane) things on a weekly basis covering a wide variety of topics (from same-sex marriage to Obama's "un-American ways" to socialism) --> Whatever amount of hair you can manage to pull from your head while simultaneously screaming, "Somebody please shut her up!".

Being able to write this post after learning Congresswoman Michele Bachmann's son joined AmeriCorps - the very program she's continually referred to as a "Re-Education Camp for young people..." --> Priceless!

There are some things money can't buy. And for everything bat-shit crazy, there's Michele Bachmann.

Putting Tiger, Happy Toddler

Tiger Woods once said of his late father, Earl [quote] "...you know, having your best friend be your father is a very unique thing." And while it might be sort of weird for Claire to someday select Stew as her best friend, the two grew a step closer to it today while attending the Monday practice round at the PGA Championship Tournament that's being held at Hazeltine National Golf Club right here in glamorous Chaska (and about one mile from our house). The goal of the day was simple: Claire wanted to see Tiger Woods (or, rather, Stew wanted Claire to see Tiger Woods... and pose for a picture with him... and have Tiger give her his autograph before inviting Stew to join him for beers after the round... where he presents Stew with a $1M check from the Tiger Woods Foundation for the local Chaska Early Childhood & Family Education Program for which Stew advocates). Anyway, Chaska residence got access to free practice round tickets on a first-come first-served basis, so Stew was able to hook up a couple Monday passes.

Less than 12 hours after winning the World Golf Championship-Bridgestone Invitational in Ohio, Tiger Woods was back on the course... this time in Chaska (he had a 6:45am tee time). Fortunately, Claire and Stew arrived around 8:30am and in time to head to the 11th green to wait to catch a glimpse of Tiger. About 10 minutes before Tiger appeared, Claire saw Spiderman. For those not interested in the Professional Golf Association, you might think Spiderman is a superhero. But in the PGA world, Spiderman is Camilo Villegas, a professional golfer from Columbia known for his "Spiderman" stance when he lines up a putt (see photo at right). He's also known as somewhat of a heartthrob with the ladies, but I wouldn't know anything about that.

As soon as spectators started gathering alongside the empty 11th Hole fairway, Stew knew Tiger was making his way off the tee box. Claire and Stew had a nice spot just behind the rope barrier next to the 11th green... and also next to the rope line where the players would pass by while walking from the 11th green to the 12th tee box. There was a nice fella standing next to them who offered to take a picture of Claire with her Papa. Don't let the glare coming off Stew's legs blind you. His legs are whiter than the audience at a Sean Hannity Freedom Concert (as if that's actually possible). Following is a brief pictorial of the 17 minutes spent with Tiger Woods on the course today...

Crouching Claire... awaiting the arrival of Tiger Woods to the 11th green (behind Claire).
The gathering storm... spectators begin to line the 11th Hole fairway just minutes before Tiger Woods appears (the fairway was empty just a minute earlier). Tiger should be rounding the corner from behind the trees on the left any second...

Tiger, just before he knocks his second shot to within 12 feet of the flag pin. Notice the people following him around the course... the entire fairway was full at this point (and this is just Day #1 of the practice rounds).
Tiger approaching the green after his second shot...
Tiger on the green. Stew immediately notices that he and Tiger obviously share the same workout routine. Yea, I don't know why Stew thinks that either?
Claire made the gallery chuckle from time to time with her "Look, Papa! It's Tiger Woods!" outbursts (followed by Stew's blathering, "I know, I know! Can ya believe it? It's just so exciting!").

Tiger and his playing partners (Bubba Watson and Nick Watney) walking down the 12th fairway after hitting their tee shots. You can't see it, but Claire is waving at Tiger.

All in all, Claire lasted about two hours before her legs stopped working (which is what Momma and Stew call it when Claire decides she's no longer interested in walking). Note to Mike and Marin: I'm sure Stew would've enjoyed watching someone else trying to keep their daughter from having a meltdown just outside the Golf Shop, but he totally understands why you didn't make the trip! Along those same lines, here's a funny story -- while in line to catch the bus from the parking lot to the golf course, Stew realized he forgot to pack Claire's little stroller, which would've come in handy during the 2.9 miles he had to carry her. Claire also grew [quote] "very tired" and kept asking, "Where's my school bus?" (referring to the bus that brought them from the lot to the course). Unfortunately, Stew's only answer could be, "oh... it's about another mile from here" as he trudged along carrying a very tired Claire back to the bus stop.

Claire with her PGA bounty - a baseball cap and a commemorative rubber golf ball.

BREAKING NEWS! Below is video from the Hazeltine National Golf Club blog. If you watch closely, you just might see the cutest little girl in the world (yes... with a nuk in her mouth)!

UPDATE... The video has been removed from YouTube, no doubt due to the fact the videographer does not have authority to produce and distribute a video that shows a cute little toddler as cute as Claire. Let's face it, she outshines Tiger, and that's not good for PGA or Nike business. Bummer...

Hippie Replacement

In case you missed it the other night, Stephen Colbert took a look at recent grassroots efforts to combat health care reform. This will likely upset any Teabaggers out there, which is exactly why I'm posting it. Enjoy!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - Hippie Replacement
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Tasers

And on a more serious note, here's an excellent explanation from MSNBC's Rachel Maddow of what's taking place in town hall meetings across the country . Yes, I realize MSNBC's opinion commentators are the left wing equivalent of the Fox News Channel douchebags, but the difference is MSNBC uses facts to support their opinions while Fox tends to rely mostly on fear, spin or outright lies (see also: daily GOP talking point memos). Plus, I watch MSNBC for political entertainment and not for news. I prefer to get my news from more reliable sources (Fox News viewers should try reading some foreign newspapers sometime... like that's ever gonna happen). The clip is 10 minutes long, so you working stiffs might want to watch it at home or on your smoke break.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

One more thing... here's Jon Stewart's take on the recent release of two American journalists from North Korea. I especially enjoy the last minute of the segment. Here's a shocker - Fox News viewers probably won't like it.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
William Jefferson Airplane
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Spinal Tap Performance

Back in the saddle again...

To my four faithful bloggees, please accept my apologies for my absence. I've been in hiding. Just when I thought we had sufficiently exposed the dumbest and craziest people in the country (see also: Joe the Plumber), now we have the rise of the "Birthers". And in case you live under a rock and don't know about the enigma that is a Birther, allow me to enlighten you. A Birther is a scared white person (see also: racist) who thinks President Obama was born in Kenya and, therefore, is illegally in America and should immediately be picked up by U.S. Immigration & Customs Enforcement (ICE) and deported. If you're a Fox News Channel viewer, then you're more familiar with Birthers as being "patriotic citizens - along with Chuck Norris - that are deeply concerned about the future of the country". Regardless, they scare the hell out of me... almost as much as the phony Teabaggers (funded by lobbyists).

Anyway... I spent last weekend at Aunt Dee (Rosemount)'s place, which also happens to be the home of my favorite black lab mix, Remmy... and two cats. Yes, I said "two". Sammy the Cat now has a feline friend... who took a swipe at me - twice. Apparently cats don't like it when you stick your dog snout in their face. Lesson learned. So, while I was hangin' with Remmy and Dee, the rest of Team Stewart was in Wauben, MN, for the Annual Karl Invitational (sort of like a mini-olympics of lawn sport). More on that later... in the meantime, here I am chillin' with Remmy (pics compliments of Aunt Dee).