The SAHD Club

Dear Blog Visitor:

I accept the fact that I sacrifice hours of my time at the computer writing a blog almost nobody reads. And I think I'm probably crazy for feeling the need to write this essay on behalf of stay-at-home dads (SAHDs) everywhere explaining who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest of terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as an outcast, a hero, a slacker, as a babysitter and a rebel. Correct? That's the way we saw each other before we actually became SAHDs. We were brainwashed.

There's an obvious bond between mother and child that transcends understanding. And anyone that believes men are the equal of women has never seen me trying to put Claire's hair in pigtails. I wanted to throw up on myself the first 20 times Claire and I walked into her preschool classroom full of stay-at-home moms with their tots. My own predisposed beliefs on gender roles caused me to think, "I don't belong here". At the same time - even though nobody paid the slightest attention to me - I convinced myself each mom was wondering, "What's that guy doing here? And why doesn't he shower before he leaves the house?" 

But other times it's like I'm the king of my own personal Bizarro World, where I'm handsome, charming, confident and have been endowed with a huge crown... when a mom tells me, "It's cool you stay home... my husband couldn't do it." I want to respond by asking, "Why not? Is he a douchebag or do you just not have any trust in him whatsoever?" I know she's selling him short because any father could be a SAHD, whether by choice or out of necessity.

Inevitably, I'll cross paths with some ignoramus who asks, "So when are you gonna get a real job?" My reply is always the same, "As soon as you pull your head out of your ass and realize it's not the 1950's." Although it should be noted my lack of any self-confidence prevents me from saying these words aloud. Other times I have a more innocent encounter - typically with a cashier, an old person or an old person working as a cashier. They'll ask Claire, "Is daddy babysitting you today?" To her credit, Claire just stares back at the cashier with a look on her face that says, "I don't know what your point is, but I sure would like a sticker to put on my coat." 

And then there are the guys who seem perfectly comfortable in their SAHD skin, and I admire them most. They're rebels or, more likely, just guys that didn't grow up constantly worrying about what other people think about them. But some of these dads actually scare me a little because they're the types that like to network with other dads and, I suppose, talk about their feelings? I'm not sure, but that's OK. I'm happy in isolation. I feel perfectly safe in my comfort zone and in my little corner of the internet.

Now, I don't pretend to speak for every stay-at-home dad out there, but I had to come up with something for my Breakfast Club rip-off. I happen to know I look Pretty in Pink, and I've experimented with my fair share of Weird Science in college. But the Breakfast Club idea seemed to fit best here.  Therefore, I say again...

I accept the fact that I sacrifice hours of my time at the computer writing a blog almost nobody reads. And I think I'm probably crazy for feeling the need to write this essay on behalf of stay-at-home dads everywhere explaining who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest of terms and the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each of us is an outcast, and a hero, and a slacker, a babysitter and a rebel. Does that answer your question?

Sincerely,
The SAHD Club