November 03, 2007

Watch out for flying squirrels!

Based on new intelligence reports, I've decided to elevate the Squirrels Hide In Trees (SHIT) Threat Level to Lavender. I have it on good authority that squirrels are currently conducting training exercises in the United Kingdom. According to Special Agent Sluggo Poopsalot, an English Bulldog working for the British Secret Intelligence Service (SIS) -- commonly known as MI6 (click underlined words for more info), the U.K.'s external intelligence agency that fights terrorism -- unscrupulous squirrels have established a training camp just outside London. Agents of the SIS have been conducting surveillance on the camp; however, it's alleged that a rogue agent -- one Rocket "Rocky" J. Squirrel -- leaked video footage to a local news channel. Agent Rocky hails from Frostbite Falls, MN, where he met his dim-witted (but good-natured) crime-fighting partner, Bullwinkle J. Moose. The duo gained notoriety in the 1960's and 70's when they became secret agents of the U.S. assigned to pursue Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale from the Eastern European country of Pottsylvania, a nation dedicated to all matters related to espionage and deceitfulness. The government of Pottsylvania was headed by a uniformed dictator known only as "Fearless Leader". Boris and Natasha seemed to be Fearless Leader's most frequently used secret agents, often sent to execute the country's schemes for gaining global power. The scheming villains, despite their fiendishness, proved to be inept agents... yet they were never captured. They reportedly fled to the U.S., where it's alledged they assumed the identities of Danny DeVito and Debi Mazar.

On the morning of December 25, 1984, Bullwinkle the Moose was stalked and killed by a family of rednecks living along the Minnesota-Canada border. The rednecks, still drunk from a Christmas Eve party the night before, mistook Bullwinkle for a reindeer that had run over their grandmother as she was walking home from the party. A party attendee stated to police, "...she'd (grandma) been drinkin' too much eggnog, and we begged her not to go... but she forgot her medication, and she staggered out the door into the snow." [Click here for the full police report statement]

Anyway, soon after Bullwinkle's murder, a depressed Rocky returned to Europe and was eventually recruited into the British Secret Intelligence Service (SIS) as an airman. While they initially valued Rocky's ability to fly, the SIS soon determined Rocky would make a valuable undercover agent for infiltrating a growing network of terroristic squirrels. Soon after the following video was leaked to a London broadcast news station, Rocky disappeared. His whereabouts are unknown to this day, but it's widely believed Rocky has joined forces with "the other side." I don't know about you, but this video reminds me A LOT of those al qaeda training camp videos Fox News airs about every 20 minutes in order to scare you into not thinking for yourself...


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Commentary from a stay-at-home dad on daily happenings and misadventures while helping raise a wonderful little girl. The goal is to employ wit, sarcasm and/or humor to make the blog pseudo-entertaining. Then again, setting goals never really worked for me, but maybe you'll chuckle anyway.

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