February 26, 2008

Help Wanted: Conflict Resolution Specialist

Woof, Y'all! I haven't been blogging much lately, and I think I'm losing my mind... which might explain why I started this post by channeling my inner Britney Spears. Anyway, I've been busy with other tasks around the house that have taken me away from blogging. Allow me to explain...

It all started 26 days ago. Macy's Department Store is a national sponsor of the American Heart Association's Go Red For Women movement, an endeavor designed to help raise awareness of cardiovascular disease and to focus health programs at high-risk populations. On February 1st, Macy’s celebrated national “Wear Red Day”, a promotion offering customers who wear red a special shopping reward on select purchases made that day (something like 10% or 15% off your purchase). Momma happened to have worn a red sweater to work on Friday, February 1st, so she decided to take Claire to the Macy's store located in the mall near our house after we all finished dinner that night. She and Claire left the house sometime after 7pm to take advantage of the Wear Red Day promotion and buy Claire some new shoes and other outfits.

Sometime shortly after 9pm, Momma and Claire arrived at home empty handed. Unfortunately, Momma had a terrible experience... and she let the Macy's folks know about her disgust when she was returning all the items she had planned to purchase. I will spare you the ugly details, but let's just say I've never seen Momma so pissed off... she was even more angry than she was six months ago when Stew shrunk her wool sweater while doing laundry. Anyway, sometime around 9:30pm Momma announced, "We're moving!" So, let me get this straight. Momma's solution for dealing with the Macy's conflict is to relocate neighborhoods? Note to self: NEVER make Momma angry! I hope Stew takes note of this, as well, or else he could easily find himself homeless. Then again, Stew's not out of the woods yet. As it turns out, Momma would like to get our house listed with the realtor within 4-5 weeks. Therefore, the "little" basement construction project Stew's been working on for the past six years has suddening been fast-tracked. That's right, the project Stew was to have completed before last Christmas now has a deadline that's set in stone. No more sitting in the basement guest room drinking beer while pretending to work on the project. Nope. Momma created a spreadsheet that prioritizes all the projects that absolutely must be completed before we can list the house on the market. Additionally, a separate budgetary spreadsheet has been formulated, and Stew's strictly forbidden from going over budget. Although, he's still trying to figure out how he can sneak his daily $4.05 Starbuck's Venti Iced Mocha (with no whip cream) onto the spreadsheet. Last I heard, he was trying to hide his coffee expenses under "project management fees", but I don't think Momma's going to buy it. We'll see...

Needless to say, since it's only a few weeks until Momma wants to list the house, things around here are a bit anxious. If only Stew had gone to Macy's instead of Momma, we wouldn't be moving. You see, while Momma is more assertive, Stew prefers to express his anger and/or frustration via passive aggressive means. He wouldn't have stood up for himself and, instead, would have probably sent an anonymous email to Macy's to complain about the lack of service (or whatever). Plus, he'd whine daily about how evil this particular Macy's is and swear never to return. But, he'd eventually give in and return to the store only to experience more poor service... and the vicious cycle would continue. So, I'm thinking Momma and Stew could use a therapy session (or two) with a Conflict Resolution Specialist. Otherwise, I don't know how many more times we can actually move...

Anyway, I've been trying to help Stew around the house as best I can, which has severely hindered my blogging time. Regardless, I still plan to blog about Claire's school day... but it probably won't be posted until tomorrow or Friday. In the meantime, I have to monitor the construction vacuum Stew's planning to use to clean out the window sills. And later this afternoon, it's my job to try to convince Claire to refrain from the following activities:

1) climbing onto the downstairs couch/ottoman/recliner,
2) dipping her toys into my water dish,
3) trying to take off her shirt (there must be an exhibitionist gene in Stew's family),
4) playing with the computer keyboard and messing up the computer settings (and turning "off" Stew's streaming liberal radio talk shows), or
5) hiding the garage door opener inside the dirty clothes hamper.

In the meantime, here's a picture of Claire modeling her new t-shirt that Grandma Helen got her from New Orleans (plus, some Mardis Gras beads)...

Here she is sitting in her toy basket doing her Fonze imitation ("Ayyyyyyyy!")... after emptying the toys from the basket by scattering them throughout the living room...

And, finally, here she is lying on my downstairs doggie bed (after she pulled Momma's blanket off the couch onto the dog-hair filled floor)...


Anonymous 7:45 AM  

Wow, you've got a full plate, Bogey! Wish I could be there to help you out. It makes me tired just thinking about it all...gotta go take my post-breakfast nap.

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About This Blog

Commentary from a stay-at-home dad on daily happenings and misadventures while helping raise a wonderful little girl. The goal is to employ wit, sarcasm and/or humor to make the blog pseudo-entertaining. Then again, setting goals never really worked for me, but maybe you'll chuckle anyway.

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