February 27, 2009

Thinning the herd

Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. With no natural predators to thin the herd, it began to reward those who reproduced the most and left the intelligent to become an endangered species. This idiom has never been more true than today, particularly within the entertainment business (and don't get me started on Washington, D.C.). We need to start thinning the herd. At every turn, you find yet another untalented person who is, for reasons unknown, considered "famous". It seems to me the quickest and easiest path toward success in Hollywood involves any one of the following (increase your chances of stardom by combining as many of these as possible):

1) Create and market a sex tape (while pretending not to know about the existence of said tape). The mere existence of a sex tape is all that matters. Unfortunately, from what I've seen - and trust me when I say I've conducted a fair amount of research on this subject - "talent" is not a prerequisite for having a successful sex tape. Apparently it's all in the marketing, which I find highly disappointing and just downright wrong! I wonder if
I can sue them for false advertising for using words like "hot" and "sexy" to describe the tapes?
2) Have a famous mommy and/or daddy... once again, talent is secondary and - in most cases - not even a requirement. You'll achieve even more fame if you're a complete asshat, and you'll rocket to success if you team up with someone as equally vile as you (anyone remember Paris & Nicole?).
3) Get yourself cast on a reality TV show - ideally a show on MTV - and do y
our very best to be the biggest douchebag on the show (which is way easier said than done because all reality shows are full of douchebags).
4) Be a fairly talented child with a parent more concerned about making you into a star than they are in actually raising you to become a decent person and productive contributor to society. This will almost certainly insure you a spot on the Disney Channel and/or Nickelodeon.

Seriously! Have any of you ever heard the Jonas Brothers perform? I've seen them on Ellen (the Ellen Degeneres Show) a couple times, as well as once on some stupid awards show. I have nothing against these fine, young, wholesome lads. However, in each instance, I was shocked and dismayed at how horrible they sound. Yet they are the biggest musical act in the business right now. Seriously, none of them can sing. So why are they so famous? Well, they're probably a poor example, but I don't really want to post a picture of Hannah Montana or any of Lynn Spears' daughters on the blog. And Lynn Spears wrote a book about raising kids? I say a blogging dog is more interesting than a hick from my home state of Louisiana. Where the heck's my book deal!

Anyway, I just wanted to post this entry to encourage my four faithful readers to join me in helping to thin the Hollywood herd by boycotting any product or TV show that directly or indirectly benefits anyone who is
famous for no discernible reason (except for The Hills TV show on MTV... those kids are darling!). No, I'm talking more about people like Kim Kardashian... and her entire family for that matter. Kudos to Kim for her ability to successfully achieve three out of the four aforementioned steps to instant stardom. After reading THIS post about Ms. Kardashian today at The Superficial (bar none THE best celebrity gossip website on the planet), I decided to visit her personal site and post a comment congratulating her on her success.

Anyway, there's really no other reason for this blog entry. And I'll bet a bunch of you thought I was going to blog about the attendees at the CPAC (Conservative Political Action Committee) Conference currently underway in Washington, D.C. Well, I'd love to dedicate some time to this topic, but I've already alienated most of Stew's family due to my left-leaning ways. So, I should probably keep my trap shut for a bit.


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Commentary from a stay-at-home dad on daily happenings and misadventures while helping raise a wonderful little girl. The goal is to employ wit, sarcasm and/or humor to make the blog pseudo-entertaining. Then again, setting goals never really worked for me, but maybe you'll chuckle anyway.

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