There's an app for that?

My Blackberry arrived yesterday, so I've been spending most of today trying to figure out how to best utilize this strange, new technology. It reminds me of when we brought Claire home from the hospital. We weren't sure what to do with her, but we knew we needed her in our lives in order to get people to stop asking, "When are you gonna have a baby?" So now people can stop asking me when I'm gonna get a "real" phone. I've done it, and I must say it's a life-changing experience. Over the years, I've grown quite accustomed to just having a phone that only makes phone calls, occasionally falls out of my pocket onto the pavement, and almost always goes missing (along with my car keys) every morning when I'm trying to get Claire to preschool on time. Now I'm learning about applications - what the kids call apps. I've downloaded an app that allows me to access all my email accounts (I have a personal email account, and Bogey has one that I check for him). I downloaded a Facebook app that allows me to... well, I'm not actually sure what it's for, I just know it's on my phone now. I downloaded some new ring tones this morning (but I'm still looking for the theme song from Sanford & Son). But there's at least one app I'm certain I will avoid like the plague - the one for Twitter. I don't get the whole Twitter phenomenon. I don't like Twitter. I tend not to like people who Tweet.  And I'm certain I'll never use Twitter. Call me old fashioned, but I firmly believe it's entirely permissible to have an unexpressed thought... even if the fireweed's near full bloom.

Anyway, while I was toiling with my new phone, I put Claire to work designing a new crown for herself using some scrap paper I found in the closet. She got a bit worn out with the project and asked me to make her a blueberry smoothie. We were out of blueberries and low on milk, so we headed to the grocery store for supplies. While in the dairy section, Claire decided to release one of her silent-but-deadly farts that she refers to as a toot. It sounds innocent enough, but trust me - toot is not the word I'd use to describe the abhorrent odor. The word roadkill comes to mind. Anyway, there was a lot of traffic heading our way, and it was too late to simply bolt.  I was desperate to cover up the lingering stench, and that's when it hit me. I have a smartphone now! I quickly searched through the Blackberry App World using the key word "fart", and what do you know? There's an app for that (and it only cost 99 cents)!

And here she is - Queen of the Blueberry Smoothie!