All Aboard...

The Crazy Train!

Early this morning, we had visitors come calling. At least I think so. All I know is that I heard a doorbell ring which - for reasons unknown to me - causes me to immediately charge the front door while salivating and barking ferociously... while Stew chases me around the house trying to corral me into the mudroom off the garage. Luckily, upon my incarceration, I could still see out a small window in the mudroom, and I saw two young boys dressed in white shirts, ties, black slacks and carrying backpacks. And through the closed mudroom door, I could faintly hear Stew cursing, "Damnit, it's a couple of young Republicans coming to chastise me for not home-schooling Claire like Glenn Beck does his kids!" Anyway, here's a summary of the brief conversation I heard through the open mudroom window:

Kid #1: Good morning, Sir. We're hear to tell you about the New Covenant...
Stew: Stop right there! Did Minnesota Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann send you? Are you here to slit my wrists and make me one of your "blood brothers"?
Kid #2: No way, Sir! We're just a couple Jehovah Witnesses.
Kid #1: Yea... a lot of folks say we're brainwashed, but even we have enough sense to know Bachmann is bat-shit crazy!

After taking a free copy of The Watchtower, Stew sent the lads on their way. And on the off chance you missed Bachmann's latest in what has become a bi-weekly habit of making the likes of Sarah Palin and Joe-The-Plumber look like a couple of geniuses, HERE's a story about a speech our state's 6th District Representative recently gave. Luckily for Bachmann, her district is comprised of an equal mix of churches and crystal meth labs, so she's likely going to be re-elected in 2010. Oh, and did I mention most of her campaign monies come from the insurance industry? What a strange coincidence. [source]


THE SUCKER TRAIN!

Yesterday, Stew took Claire and me to the little playground at the end of the block, and on our way back home we ran into a couple neighborhood entrepreneurs. Three "tween" gals had set up a little Kool-Aid/fingernail-polishing stand... I'm guessing it was their version of a little girl spa. Anyway, in true Stew fashion, he did his best to avoid human contact by taking Claire and I across the street instead of walking past the mini-spa. But that was not enough to deter Kennedy, who I'm guessing was the VP of Sales for the organization. Kennedy followed us into our garage and asked if Claire would like some Kool-Aid while getting her nails done. Claire just looked at the girl with a "watcha talkin' 'bout, Kennedy" look on her face, but after Stew put me in the house he took Claire over to get her nails painted. Three dollars got Claire pink nail polish with sparkles, plus a couple of Lady Bug designs on her thumbs. Then this afternoon, a different girl from the same organization rang our doorbell. She announced that today they have a Slushy stand, and that a portion of profits "goes to charity". If I were Stew, I would've asked, "and which one of you cute little mini-Madoff's is named, Charity?" But Stew doesn't always think clearly. And since Claire had already had her fill of juice for the day, Stew just gave the girl all he had in his wallet (two whole dollars). I'm guessing the little ponzi-schemers will be back tomorrow with some other business proposition for which Stew will fall hook, line and sinker. So much for his Starbuck's Venti Iced Mocha Fund!


THE STILETTO
[A sailboat version of the S.S. Minnow... minus the shipwreck]

On Sunday, Auntie Karen invited Grandpa, Grandma, Momma, Stew and Claire to go on a sailboat trip down the St. Croix River on The Stiletto - owned by Auntie's friends, Charlie & Karen. This was Claire's first-ever trip on a boat, and she really enjoyed it... especially when she got to spend a couple hours playing in the sand along the shoreline. Stew said he felt like a Kennedy, which must be why he decided to down about a 12-pack of beer by himself. Anyway, enjoy some pics from the day!

Here's Claire asking, "Is this my boat?"
Here's Grandpa showing off the latest trend in sailing gear: work boots, Wrangler blue jeans, a seed corn hat, and a wind-breaker...

And here's Grandpa helping weigh down the front of the boat to better slice through the waves... or something like that.

Here's our little Gilligan posing with Thurston and Lovey...

Claire and Momma... and Momma's Paris Hilton over-sized sunglasses (Momma claims the store didn't have any other sunglasses, which is why she should stop shopping in the Teen Fashion section of clothing stores).
Grandma doing a little gig to celebrate her birthday. Happy Birthday, Grandma!
Claire enjoying an afternoon of searching for rocks to throw into the water. Please note Grandpa took this picture with a zoom lens while lounging in a deck chair on the beach. It's a great shot, Grandpa!
Wiped out after a day of fun...