Ain't nobody here but us chickens

It's April Fools' Day, and I've got nuthin'. Notta. Zero. I'm serious this time. When I learned Sarah Palin's new Fox News Channel show was set to debut today, I knew the world couldn't take any more foolishness. So instead, I'm going with a chick theme for obvious reasons. What's that? You say it's not obvious to you. Really? Seriously? You really don't know, do you? Wow. That's amazing. Well, allow me to enlighten you. Believe it or not, I'm quite the chick magnet. Now, now, now, wait! Stop laughing! You're hurting my feelings. Ahhh... you guys suck. On with the rest of my chick-themed post...

I watched a ton of Foghorn Leghorn cartoons growing up, and I followed much of his guiding principles during my formative years. Later on - while attending college - I learned the hard way that sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken, although it does get you arrested in certain states (I'll leave it to you to discover which ones). This early life lesson also taught me it's better to be the head of a chicken than the rear end of an ox, and the yolks on you if you think otherwise. Now you can put all your eggs in one basket or even count your chickens before they hatch; however, I'd advise against both scenarios. You see, the key to everything is patience - you get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. And if the 1920's and 30's taught us anything, it's that there's no use having a chicken in every pot if you don't have a pot to put it in. Don't get me wrong - I'm not Glenn Beck shouting, "The sky is falling!" And I may not know much, but I know chicken poop from chicken salad. I know having a nest egg is a good thing, and you have to do a fair amount of scratching for what you get to feather your nest. You certainly don't spend the egg money before the hen lays the eggs; otherwise you'll have to work as hard as a hen hauling wood just to scratch out a living. I don't mean to strut around like a banty rooster or ruffle any feathers telling you how to live your life. I'm just saying it's good to be prepared - to pluck the feathers before you eat the chicken. I certainly don't mean to sound hard-boiled when I'm more sunny side up. I encourage everyone to stick their neck out and hatch an idea. Just think about it. We can see a thousand miracles around us every day, and what's more supernatural than an egg yolk turning into a chicken?

As far as Claire's concerned, not a thing!