Dog for hire... will work for biscuits

I recently read with disgust an article reporting that Paris Hilton is (allegedly) being paid $1M by Viennese socialite, Richard Lunger, to be his guest at the 2007 Vienna Opera Ball http://news.sawf.org/Entertainment/32291.aspx.
Apparently, the 74 year old Lunger traditionally invites a celebrity as his guest in order to help publicize the prestigious event. Past guests have included Faye Dunaway, Sophia Loren, and last year's Carmen Electra. Apparently, the guest pool has dwindled down considerably since Faye Dunaway's attendance. Nicole Richie can start shining her pumps for 2008 because she's the only thing lower than Paris Hilton on the Repulsive Pig Meter. Isn't paying Paris Hilton $1M to publicize an event like this a bit like hiring a circus freak to give potential home buyers a tour of your home during an open house? What kind of publicity can this disgusting human being bring to an event that's already the highlight of Vienna's social calendar? Then again, a dog living in Robbinsdale, MN, is blogging about it. So, touche` Mr. Lunger... somebody pass me the crow.
In other working class dog news, has anyone seen the Firedog commercial staring a dog named Ralph? This handsome fella has a striking resemblance to me, and I'm wondering if he could be a long-lost New Orleans relative. Check it out for yourself at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEqVli1d-po. I'm thinking I could be a big star someday if Stew ever gets off his lazy arse and starts writing about and/or shooting videos of me. I could act circles around that Ralph guy! Heck, strap a cape to my back, and I could star in a remake of the classic cartoon UnderDog. I'm very versatile and can play the superhero or the humble and lovable shoeshine boy (his identity when incognito). I've got a lock on lovable, but I'll need to work a bit on the humble part. I already know my lines: "Not bird, not plane, not even frog. It's just little old me, Underdog!" Hollyweird, here I come.