February 15, 2007

Happy Valentine's (yester)Day

Sorry for the tardiness of my Valentine's Day well wishes, folks. Yesterday was quite full of activities. While Stew spent half the day cleaning the house and the other half shopping with Claire, I stood guard looking out the windows waiting for somebody to show up to burn a cross in our yard (in response to my latest rant). Everyone has a right to believe whatever they want, but you need to have sense to know that not everyone believes the same as you... and, therefore, might be offended by your message. People can choose not to read my blog if they disagree... which means there's just three of us left now... but I don't force my views upon anyone via email or snail mail (frankly, postal carriers cannot be trusted). There appears to be a multitude of religions in the world, as well as many different interpretations of the Bible, so the notion that "my beliefs are right and yours are wrong" is simply counterproductive to me (along the lines of "my god can beat up your god"). But, I'm just a dog so what do I know? Just remember that "dog" is "god" spelled backwards... that's all I'm going to say on the matter... let's hope.

Otherwise, we had a good time yesterday. Claire and I made a Valentine's Day card for Momma with Stew's new Photoshop software (that he still has no clue how to use). Stew's supposed to be working on The Stewart Family Barker newsletter (Christmas 2006 edition) that he wanted to send out in February, but it's not going well. Meaning, he hasn't started it yet. He thought the Photoshop software would come in handy for publishing the newsletter, but he's quickly learning that if you don't use it, then it's not much use to you. I think this was the rationale for removing my man seeds, but I don't remember anyone even giving me a chance to use them before I heard snip! I truly appreciate the efforts of the dog rescue folks, but I would have liked to at least had a vote in the decision to remove my giblets. But, no use crying over spilled milk... or lost seeds.

Stew's quite pleased with his bounty after an afternoon of hunting for bargains. I think he went out for the following three items: 1) a floor cabinet for the basement bathroom, 2) bottled water for mixing with Claire's formula, and 3) storage boxes (for boxing up all Momma's junk in the basement... she's somewhat of a pack rat, but I strongly suggest you never call her this unless you actually want to find her foot shoved halfway up your rectum). What Stew actually came home with is a whole other story. At least he remembered the original three items. You see, Linda found out a while ago that Stew "performs" better with a shopping list. Otherwise, he gets going too fast and can "forget" certain items. So yesterday, Stew had a shopping list. His newest favorite store is Bed, Bath and Beyond. He was just supposed to pick up a floor cabinet but also left the store with a French press coffee maker (he doesn't know how to use), an egg poacher, an omelet maker, moisturizing socks (socks with aloe inside the fabric... don't ask me), and some sort of electrostatic hair brush that's suppose to be good for picking up my loose hairs. Then, he headed over to Cub Foods because they sell RC Cola, his favorite. As a little girl growing up in Herreid, SD, Linda would take a can of RC Cola to school with her sack lunch. Her friends would all tease her and say "Linda's drinking retarded cola," but she never let it affect her. She's very stable and loving to this day (and you can tell her I said so... please tell her I said so... please).

And since it's Thursday, Claire is all a buzz about watching The Office tonite. It's her favorite TV show, next to The View (it's a chick show, so I let her watch it). Claire's favorite character on The Office is Dwight Schrute. In fact, Claire likes Dwight so much that she won't let Linda take her (Linda's) Dwight bobblehead doll to work. Claire needs to have it here at home.

Here are some of Claire's favorite Dwight Schrute quotes:

Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.

Dwight Schrute: Yes, I have acted before. I was in a production of "Oklahoma!" in the 7th grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids so they made up roles like that. I was good.

Dwight Schrute: I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections...there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory...

Dwight Schrute: I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four, and I was great and I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.

Dwight Schrute: As a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy I've been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out.. she was. With a couple of guys, actually... so. Mystery solved.

Dwight Schrute: (After he didn't tip the sub shop guy) Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

Dwight Schrute: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin, Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It’s a nice little farm...sometimes teenagers use it for sex.

For more of Dwight and the crew, check out http://www.quotesfromtheoffice.com/


Anonymous 12:04 PM  

My favorite Dwight quote (at least for this week) is "There are too many people here. We need a good plaque!
Aunt D

Joe 5:54 PM  

How about Dwight to Pam when she's crying in the hallway..."PMSing pretty bad, huh?"

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About This Blog

Commentary from a stay-at-home dad on daily happenings and misadventures while helping raise a wonderful little girl. The goal is to employ wit, sarcasm and/or humor to make the blog pseudo-entertaining. Then again, setting goals never really worked for me, but maybe you'll chuckle anyway.

OUR FAMILY - Provides a brief bio on each family member.

THE SAHD CLUB - A rip-off of the letter written by the kids from the 1980's blockbuster hit, The Breakfast Club.

THE DOG DISH - Here you'll find the occasional rant or story written from a dog's point of view.

COMEDY - Here you'll find stuff I think is funny, typically video clips, cartoons or jokes.

LINKS - Just what the name implies.

PAW-LITICS - More rants, typically directed at despicable politicians with whom I disagree.

VIDEO VAULT - Home videos of Claire set to some of our favorite songs.

BUY STUFF - My online store (that is if I ever actually create one).
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