February 13, 2007

Ignorance is bliss... but will destroy the world

This morning, Stew received a disturbing chain mail email. He's struggling between whether or not today's message is actually more ridiculous than the one received a while back. Last summer, Stew opened an email - also a forwarded chain letter - that contained the story of an American soldier trying to explain to his son why America is fighting in Iraq. Basically, the soldier-father provides his son with an analogy that Saddam Hussein is like a neighbor who lives across the street and who beats and tortures his own family. In the story, it's too late for the little boy to call the police to arrest his neighbor AND the other neighbors don't want to help, so the little boy needs to decide how to save his neighborhood from the evil daddy across the street. But if the boy delays, then it's likely he'll open his front door one day to find the evil neighbor standing their ready to kill the boy and his family. If only Bush had made his case for war as clear as this story, then maybe our household would've been more supportive at the time... but I doubt it.

Anyway, I'm including today's email below in italics, with my own responses shown within the text in bold type.

Have you ever thought -- Is Muslim-American really an oxymoron? Can a devout Muslim be an American patriot and a loyal citizen? I forwarded that question to a friend who worked in Saudi Arabia for 20 years. [Oh good... this guy is obviously going to be an expert on Islam having worked in Saudi Arabia for 20 years. Who needs an actual authority on Islam when you can get a guy who worked in a Muslim country? If you ever need an expert on redneck beliefs, I know a guy who worked in Alabama and drove a big pick-up truck.] The following is his forwarded reply:

"Theologically, no. Because his allegiance is to Allah, the moon god of Arabia. [And any great American patriot's allegiance is to Bush, the big-eared god of making stuff up. If you don't support the government, then you're obviously a left-wing, terrorist sympathizer who is emboldening the enemy.]

Religiously, no. Because no other religion is accepted by his Allah except Islam. Scriptually, no. Because his allegiance is to the five pillars of Islam and the Quran. [And, since America is obviously and soley a Christian nation, you must only worship the Bible in order to be a great American patriot. All the mosques, synagogues and temples you see throughout the U.S. are irrelevant because the people inside those buildings are godless, thus potential dangers to our way of life (and who cares about Freedom of Religion... we're at war people!). So, in addition to the Muslim-Americans, let's add Jews, Hindus and Buddhists to the list of people we need to watch. I say we round 'em all up and ship 'em back to where they came from. Atheists and Agnostics can stay because Christians still need someone to minister to once all the other evil-doers are sent back to their respective homelands.]

Geographically, no. Because his allegiance is to Mecca, to which he turns in prayer five times a day. [While, as Great American patriots, we are loyal only to Washington, D.C., where we send our hard-earned tax dollars once per year so that Congress can spend them on pet projects for special interest groups.]

Socially, no. Because his allegiance to Islam forbids him to make friends with Christians or Jews. [And what Muslim wouldn't want a Christian friend like the author of this email or the people who perpetuate hatred by forwarding it on?]

Politically, no. Because he must submit to the mullah (spiritual leaders), who teach annihilation of Israel and destruction of America, the great Satan. [Whereas in America, we have so many great spiritual leaders we can turn to for guidance. They teach us to look heavenward and pray - but only so our eyes can't see them committing adultery and/or snorting coke off a male prostitutes tight butt. To name just a few sanctimonious hypocrits: Ted Haggard, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker... and there are even those who look to hate-monger Fred Phelps for spiritual guidance. I submit that we have our own demons contributing to the destruction of America through teaching intolerance from the pulpit. And what's with Benny Hinn? He almost looks Muslim, so he must be evil. Here's a funny website... funny to me anyway: http://www.tedhaggard.com Hallelujah Ted's been cured of his gayness! Somebody tell Fred Phelps before Fred and his flock come to burn Ted at the stake.]

Domestically, no. Because he is instructed to marry four women and beat and scourge his wife when she disobeys him. [This is just plain ridiculous. Isn't this why we have Utah? Surely there's enough room for both Polygamists and Muslims in the Beehive State. Stew has been trying to get Linda to move to Utah for years, but he has some reservations because he's not sure he can find one more woman that finds him attractive enough to marry, let alone three or four more wives. Plus, Linda would kick the snot out of him if he even joked about beating her.]

Intellectually, no. Because he cannot accept the American Constitution since it is based on Biblical principles and he believes the Bible to be corrupt. [Um, if the Constitution is based on Biblical principles, then we should conclude the Constitution is a Christian document rather than a secular one. But there is no obvious and unequivocal statement in the Constitution which specifies the importance of Christian principles or morals. Plus, Article IV of the Constitution stipulates that "no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States," yet somebody (the religious right perhaps?) still makes a huge deal out of whether a candidate is Christian, Muslim or worships tree frogs. If the authors of the Constitution wanted to create a document designed to favor Christianity, why would religious tests be specifically forbidden in its text? Yes, I might have Googled for this one...]

Philosophically, no. Because Islam, Muhammad, and the Quran do not allow freedom of religion and expression. Democracy and Islam cannot co-exist. Every Muslim government is either dictatorial or autocratic. [So, I guess Muslim-Americans just won't fly an American flag on President's Day? And, if Democracy and Islam cannot co-exist, then why is Georgie Boy trying to spread Democracy throughout the Middle East? Somebody better tell Dubya before it's too late. Oops, that's right...]

Spiritually, no. Because when we declare "one nation under God," the Christian's God is loving and kind, while Allah is NEVER referred to as heavenly father, nor is he ever called love in the Quran's 99 excellent names." [Using this logic, we now have proof that Jennifer Love Hewitt is heavenly, as I've suspected all along. And there you go again implying "one nation under (the Christian's) God." The Constitution does not specify a particular religion's god.]

Therefore, after much study and deliberation, perhaps we should be very suspicious of ALL MUSLIMS in this country. [And after much study of this email, I've decided that I'm way more suspicious of the religious right and the power it wields in our government than I am of the Muslim dude who lives down the street.] They obviously cannot be both "good" Muslims and good Americans. Call it what you wish, it's still the truth. [Okay then, I wish to call it "ignorant", "scary" and "racist". And if I only get to use one word, then I'll go with "scary."] If you find yourself intellectually in agreement with the above statements, perhaps you will share this with your friends [...at your next Klan meeting.] The more who understand this, the better it will be for our country and our future. The religious war is bigger and more complex than most Americans currently know or understand. [A "religious war?" And all this time I thought the war was about stopping Saddam from nuking us back to the Stone Age with WMD's... or it was about linking Al-Qaeda to Iraq... or was it liberating the Iraqis from Saddam? Oh, I remember, it was about spreading Democracy to the region and making the world safer. But, that's right, Islam and Democracy cannot co-exist. Therefore, it must be a religious war. A holy war or jihad if you will. Somebody better tell George and Dick (and Karl Rove, the spin-meister) about this new revelation. But then again, I have a suspicion they've known it all along, and the author of this email - and those forwarding it - are reacting as anticipated. Well played, boys... your minions are doing your dirty work yet again by spreading your propaganda of fear to take the heat off you - the true creators of the unsafe world we find ourselves living in.]

I'm so glad Stew received this email today. It obviously does a lot to enrich our lives. And if any terrorists happen to be reading this blog, I don't like you. I don't want you to think I'm emboldening you or anything.

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Commentary from a stay-at-home dad on daily happenings and misadventures while helping raise a wonderful little girl. The goal is to employ wit, sarcasm and/or humor to make the blog pseudo-entertaining. Then again, setting goals never really worked for me, but maybe you'll chuckle anyway.

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