Whatchoo talkin' about, Willis?

I know it's unlikely for me to present a conspiracy theory on Presidents' Day. Well, rest easy because my theory does NOT involve Dubya (or his daddy's small, powerful group of elitists who use the mass media to condition and persuade passive audiences into conforming to their wishes). No, my conspiracy theory is much more sinister. So sinister in fact that, after presenting my supposition to Claire, she gave me the look you see in this photo (ala Arnold from Different Strokes fame). If my speculation is accurate, then it proves Linda is more diabolical than she is sweet and innocent. You might recall Stew and Linda are undergoing a 16-week weightloss challenge, which Claire has so eloquently dubbed The Chubby Challenge. Each participant has 16 weeks to lose 10% of their body weight. In just the first week of the contest, Linda has shown the gloves are off. Allow me to set the stage, if you will...

About a week and a half ago, an honorable Stew stopped buying brownies and/or cookies from the grocery store in a good faith effort to lose weight while - at the same time - supporting his loving wife in her goal to do the same. Having massive amounts of baked sweets around the house proves to be too much temptation for Stew or Linda. But on Friday night, in what appeared to be a sweet gesture, Momma proposed that she bake some brownies for "one last weekend of sweets" because "...we deserve it!" Stew agreed with a reluctant cartwheel while shouting, "oh, heck yes!" So, Linda baked some fabulously delicious brownies... "the best brownies you've ever made" Stew was overheard telling Linda. So, after enjoying a couple brownies, the couple headed off to bed. And here's where the story turns ugly. The next morning, Stew awoke to find a brownie sliver missing from a row (see photo at right). Due to an obsessive compulsive condition, Stew is unable to walk past the brownies without first "cleaning up" the row by devouring the out of place brownies so that the row is perfectly straight again (see photo at left). Almost every time Stew was in the kitchen, he found an uneven brownie row requiring his attention, and this little dance went on all weekend... until a fateful moment on Sunday afternoon when he walked into the kitchen to find Linda cutting out a tiny sliver of brownie from a recently cleaned up row. The gig was up, and a bloated Stew was not happy. Linda's devilishly clever ruse was finally exposed. Incidentally, Stew gained two pounds this past week, and it's likely the extra pounds were all added this weekend. Stew has vowed that this little set back will not deter him from his new found mission of crushing Linda in The Chubby Challenge (no pun intended). Stay tuned...