March 02, 2007

Fair and Balanced Blog

Since mine is the most trusted blog in the blogosphere, you'll never find any spin in my news stories because, as I like to say, "I'm looking out for you!" (even though Bill O'Reilly stole this tag line before I could ever use it). The only person who is more trusted than me is Springfield News' very own, Kent Brockman (pictured at left and often featured on The Simpsons television show). Ironically, both Springfield News and Fox News are owned by News Corp, but you'll never find hard-hitting news stories on Fox like this:
"I'm Kent Brockman, and on the eleven o'clock news tonight...a certain type of soft drink has been found to be lethal, we won't tell you which one until after sports and the weather with Sonny Storm."
As you likely know, Fox News purports to be fair and balanced, and the most trusted news source in America... not to mention the news source most used as the punchline of a joke...
"Relying on the Fox News Channel as your only source of news is like using MAD Magazine as a legitimate source of news." [source: http://www.turnoffyourtv.com/networks/foxnews/foxnews.html]

"The big rumor in Washington is that President Bush is about to hire Tony Snow of Fox News to be his new press secretary. His job will be to defend everything the president does, so it's basically a lateral move. It's basically the same thing he's doing now." --Jay Leno (2006)


"There is no word yet on who will fill McClellan's shoes, although one rumored candidate is Tony Snow, a correspondent at Fox News. In other words, the White House is considering paying a Fox News reporter to tell the public what they want the public to hear. I hope he's up to the job." --Jon Stewart (2006)

"A cable access show has a character called 'Dick Smart' and it was a talking penis, trying to tell kids about contraception. A court of appeals has laid down the law that you cannot have a talking penis on the TV. Fox News has reacted immediately and fired Sean Hannity."
--Bill Maher (2005)

"He sat down for a one-on-one with Fox News. Very bold choice. Dick Cheney sitting down with Fox News is like Mrs. Butterworth sitting down with the Pancake Channel." --Jimmy Kimmel (2006)

"CBS News today has fired four employees for wildly fabricating a news story. The good news: they all got jobs over at Fox." --Craig Ferguson (2005)

"The election is in full-swing. Republicans have taken out round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don't we already have that? It's called Fox News." --Craig Kilborn (2004)

"Chief Weapons Inspector Hans Blix told the U.N. today that Baghdad is cooperating or, to put it in terms that Fox News viewers can understand, Hans Blix told the U.N. today that Baghdad is not cooperating." --Bill Maher (2001)

"New Rule: Instead of the White House hiring Tony Snow away from Fox News, the White House and Fox News should just merge. Republicans should also admit that they secretly picked the judges on "American Idol" to reinforce their three favorite stereotypes: a black guy who doesn't do anything; a woman who doesn't know anything; and a foreigner who should go home." --Bill Maher (2006)

So, in the spirit of fair and balanced reporting, I bring you the following link to a 99-word story about a cat who saved his owner from a fire while the family dog slept. That's right, it's a whole 99 words... seems suspiciously like a planted story... possibly by one of you stalking cats. Read on here:

http://www.wbaltv.com/family/11135387/detail.html

Now, if this blog was anything like Fox News, I'd go on to tell you how the cat used catnip in a soup bone to knock out the dog before proceeding to start the fire by peeing on the VCR so he (the cat) could save the owner. All the liberal media out there won't bring you the REAL story like this, and even though I have no proof, I'm still going to go on record and say the dog was drugged by the cat and made to look foolish. Well played, kitties... well played. But there are enough conspiracy theorists -- like Stew -- out there to dig up the real story. Stay tuned...

P.S. An interesting, although not shocking, article about Rupert Murdoch's (the owner of Fox News) comments at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland a couple weeks ago: http://www.newscorpse.com/ncWP/index.php?p=341

2 comments:

Anonymous 1:40 PM  

Bogart,
While I appreciate your balanced reporting, I must confess that if our house were on fire, I would be out of there before you could say boo. I might think about saving Amy, but it would be a fleeting thought. (She did save my life when I was 6 weeks old). So, you dogs go ahead and save whoever you want, I'm looking out for number one.

Your Claire is quite cute. I would be sure to avoid her if she ever came to my house. Stew would be my best friend though, because I can sense those who don't care for my kind and I like to try to get a good word in by climbing all over them.

Lexie Cook

Bogart 9:45 AM  

Spoken (or written) like a true cat, Lexie... or should I call you, "Numero Uno"? Oh, and I suggest you refrain from crawling on Stew. Linda is allergic to cats, and she'll become furious if she smells cat on Stew... then you're both in BIG trouble.

A word of advice,
Bogart

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About This Blog

Commentary from a stay-at-home dad on daily happenings and misadventures while helping raise a wonderful little girl. The goal is to employ wit, sarcasm and/or humor to make the blog pseudo-entertaining. Then again, setting goals never really worked for me, but maybe you'll chuckle anyway.

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