STAY-AT-HOME-DOG: Nevermore

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Believe it or not, yet another infidel has infiltrated the back parcel of our property. This time, it's a pesky crow. I know it's a crow as opposed to a raven, but I don't know of any creepy Edgar Allen Poe poems about crows; thus, the entry begins with the first verse of Poe's The Raven (and a picture of Stew's favorite child-star-done-good, Raven Simone... you might remember her from The Cosby Show -- she was the cute little girl that WASN'T "Rudy").
Crows and ravens, although in the same genus (Corvus) are different birds (think of Kenmores and Hoovers; both are in the genus Canine Eradicatus, and are obviously related, but they are quite distinct vacuum brands/tribes). The words "crow" and "raven" themselves have little or no real taxonomic meaning. For example, Australian "ravens" are more closely related to Australian "crows" than they are to the North American Raven (Corvus corax). In general, the biggest black species, usually with shaggy throat feathers, are called ravens and the smaller species are considered crows. Regardless of their size, crows are pure evil.

The particular crow that has invaded our backyard is a total menace. Therefore, we have named it "Dennis". Not only does Dennis insist on expelling bird doo-doo onto both Stew and Momma's vehicles, but he also likes to attack me kamikaze style. Dennis will perch in a tree or on a power wire and "caw-caw" at me incessantly (Momma says the crow is "cock-cocking", to which Stew always lets out a snicker). Regardless of the pronunciation of the crow's taunt, it's quite an annoying little sound. Stew wants permission to purchase a pellet gun (as is his Constitutional right), but Momma is afraid that he'll "accidentally" shoot her with it (or shoot his eye out). She's probably right in either case, so Stew is stuck throwing sticks at Dennis and giving him "the bird"... and I'm not sure the latter act is an appropriate thing to do. Can one actually give a bird "the bird"? Anyway, I'm posting a few pictures of Dennis diving at me. You'll notice how cool I am about it, but Dennis had best make sure he doesn't get any closer to me when he dives at me like a kamikaze. One of these days, I will do my King Kong impersonation and swat Dennis out of the air... then, I'll promptly grab him by the throat and shake him ferociously (or, I might just take a few steps backward and bark like a mad dog). I haven't decided what I'll do just yet, but I assure you it will be merciless... and Dennis will be nevermore.

In other news, here's a Jon Stewart clip from October 2006... back when Dubya's approval rating was WAY up in the mid- to upper-30 percentage points. The clip is to remind us all of what the president's job entails:

http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/2006/10/a_very_bad_job.html

Now that we know what his job is, something you might not know is that Dubya issued what is called the National Security Presidential Directive #51:

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2007/05/20070509-12.html

This directive essentially makes Dubya "King of the World" if there's ever a "catastrophic event... with mass civilian casualties" anywhere in the world. Not just the U.S. but ANYWHERE in the world. Just more scary stuff from Georgie and Dick. Here's a link to a liberal website, which is the only place I could find any media talking about this. Luckily, I'm incredibly confident Congress will squash this little directive. I mean, they've done such a bang-up job of corraling this corrupt administration so far (and I thought Clinton was corrupt!)... I'm sure we can trust Congress on this one: