The Great Minnesota Sweat-together

Well, it's State Fair time here in Minnesota... and that can only mean one thing: thousands of sweaty people looking at thousands of sweaty animals while eating disgusting things on-a-stick. The Stewarts are not State Fair people, which means I'm not a State Fair dog. In fact, I will only attend the fair after one of the fair midway food vendors creates a deep-fried Kitty-On-a-Stick... which can't be far off seein' how they already have Walleye-On-a-Stick. But, until I learn of a Kitty-On-a-Stick, I plan to boycott the fair. In the meantime, Grandpa Bob and Grandma Helen are coming from South Dakota to see Claire and go to the fair. And rumor has it that they got rid of their Ninety-Eight Oldsmobile and now own some sort of Buick. I hope it's not because of something I said (or wrote). "Buick" is a funny word, don't you think? Say it with me. "Buick." Stew says this is the word he and his friends would use in place of "vomit" while attending college, as in: "Here, hold my beer... I've gotta go Buick." Of course, I mean no offense to the maker of the fine Buick automotive line. I'm just saying it's a funny word, and I'll leave it at that.

Getting back to the fair... Momma has an adverse reaction to the fair since she used to attend quite often as a South Dakota farm girl. She claims to be burnt out. However, she and Stew went to a free outdoor concert at the fair in the summer of 1998, but it was about 99 degrees at 8:00PM when the concert started. They made it until about 8:15PM before they left the fairgrounds. So, each year around this time I still hear them complaining about the "[bleeping] fair."

As a young man, Stew used to love attending the South Dakota State Fair... probably because he thinks he only went one time. One of Stew's junior high buddies -- Tom or Craig -- invited Stew to go along to the fair with his family (he can't remember which friend, so I'll refer to him here as "Tom/Craig"). Anyway, Stew met a cute farm girl from Britton, South Dakota, on his one trip to the fair in the early '80s. She had red hair and pigtails, not to mention an even prettier friend that was flirting with Tom/Craig. Just Stew's luck. Well eventually, Tom/Craig started locking lips with the filly he landed, so Stew started making moves on his little Ellie Mae Clampet. Unfortunately, she wasn't interested in a roll in the hay, let alone a little smooch. Stew even pulled out his best pick-up line (a line Stew would continue to use UNSUCCESSFULLY through high school, college, post college and up until the day Momma finally agreed to date him): "Ahhhh, come on... please, just one kiss... why don't you like me?" Stew would start to whimper when he got to the "why don't you like me" portion of the line. And if that didn't work, he'd start crying and say "I'm such a loser" while he turns to slowly walk away while wiping tears from his eyes. Stew figured his prey would take pity on him and agree to his demands. Alas, this ingenious technique would finally land Stew a date one day in 1996... with a real South Dakota farm girl no less... so Stew married her.

Well, it's time to go grocery shopping for weekend vittles, so I'll leave you with a funny photo Grandma Judy sent from Florida. I don't know the fella in this photo, but he's got the right idea.