January 24, 2008

Curious Stew and the Hypnotist

So, Momma's work held its annual holiday/Christmas party last Saturday night. I hear there were about 500 people and one hypnotist in attendance. I also heard a rumor there was an open bar. And for those of you who might be unfamiliar with the term "open bar", let's just say it spells t-r-o-u-b-l-e for Stew. Momma works for a laboratory, so I drew a sketch of what I think a bunch of lab techs and scientists look like sitting at a bar (no offense, Aunt Dee-Florida). Fortunately for Momma, the open bar (free drinks) ended at 7pm. The two arrived at 6:50pm and had to stand in line for about 20 minutes, but the barkeep still gave them their first drinks for free. And while Stew was walking past the coat check enroute to his table, he noticed a few youngsters (20-something aged guys and gals) getting their coats to leave. One of them said, "the open bar is closed, so why stick around?" Stew immediately saw the logic in this statement and REALLY wanted to leave with them, but he decided to stick with Momma and continued toward his seat. And since Momma rarely carries cash, and Stew is nearly cashless these days, the prospect of him making a huge ass out of himself was low... yet not out of the realm of possibility. Remember, where there's a will, there's a way...

Momma and Stew shared a table with some of Momma's work friends. Plus, the hypnotist hired to perform after dinner was seated next to Stew. Yikes! Apparently it only took him two drinks before he asked her, "So, are you going to make people hump chairs tonight?" [see the not-safe-for-grandmas video at the bottom of this entry] She replied that she would not be doing so and that humping chairs is an act reserved for college campus crowds. And when he wasn't asking the hypnotist stew-pid questions, Stew was making creepy small talk with the 24-year old single girl seated across from Momma at the table. You know how old guys who don't know they're old will try (unsuccessfully) acting young and hip? Well, that was Stew, and the young lady eventually made her way away from the table after dinner never to return. So, Stew turned his attention to the other husbands at the table who were complaining about long cross-country business trips and demanding bosses. Stew just sat there quietly before joining the conversation with, "last week our daughter, Claire, made a poop so messy that it spilled out of her diaper and went all the way up her back." There was a brief awkward silence. Then, luckily, the lights were dimmed and the hypnotist started her act.

Anyway, it was a good night, and Momma claims Stew didn't do anything too embarrassing. And, Claire got to have a slumber party at Aunt Karen's house, while I was on security patrol all evening until Momma and Stew got home.

Speaking of Claire, here's a picture of her and her new book - a book she (or Stew) picked out when they attended the Early Childhood Family Education class last week.
And here's the hypnotist video (Newman sent it to me... thanks, Newman, I think):


Anonymous 2:26 AM  


My mom was hypnotized at her senior high prom and then nearly had to breakup with her boyfriend after the hypnotist convinced her she was "cold" and should sit real close to Ryan K. to conserve warmth during the show. These are difficult memories.I hpe your experience was better. Lily

Anonymous 7:05 AM  

Claire had a very busy evening on her sleep over. She rearranged a couple of drawers in the kitchen, did some filing and entertained some of my friends. (And Linda thought she would take a nap.)
Aunt Karen

Anonymous 8:58 AM  

SexyWheresMyDoughnutDad sez:

I remember reading _Curious Stew and the Hypnotist_ in kindergarten. The ensuing trip to the therapist wasn't my first, but it was certainly one of my favorites.

Nobody asks me to entertain their friends or file stuff. :( Janie the Awesome makes me go to The Quiet Room when her friends come over, and if I touch her "important adult papers," I have to wear the ball gag and zippy-hood for ever so long.

Whew. Good thing this is an anonymous posting!

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Commentary from a stay-at-home dad on daily happenings and misadventures while helping raise a wonderful little girl. The goal is to employ wit, sarcasm and/or humor to make the blog pseudo-entertaining. Then again, setting goals never really worked for me, but maybe you'll chuckle anyway.

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