Too cool for skool

Claire had her first day of school yesterday, but she was not amused. In fact, she was downright defiant about going, claiming that she's "too cool for school!" Stew drove Claire to class anyway since she can't yet reach the gas and brake pedals while steering the vehicle. Before Claire left the house, I attached a recorder to her shirt for the purpose of documenting the 90 minutes of classroom activities. For anyone who has ever heard Stew tell a story, I'm sure you understand why I did not rely on him to report back to me. For the rest of you, all you need to know is that if you were to listen to one of Stew's stories, you'd eventually want to jab something sharp into your ear(s). He has a problem in that he thinks you need to know EVERY detail of the event (i.e., which door they used to enter the school building, what color the bathroom tiles are, the approximate cup size of the instructor, etc...). Let this be a word of warning to all of you in the event you ever get the urge to ask Stew, "Hey, tell me about your high school basketball playing days."

Anyway, Claire was the first kid to make it to class (15 minutes early). Technically, some other stay-at-home dad showed up in the classroom with his two kids, but he was in the wrong room. Plus, Stew held the door for the guy since he had his hands full, so technically we win! Upon arrival, Claire and Stew went to the corner of the room were the toys are located. Claire picked up a fake telephone in one hand, and a little square block in the other. She would not relinquish either item until much later. Then some other kid showed up with his mom and came over by the toys. Claire would have none of this and walked over to stand next to the mom (who was seated on the floor). Then the stare down started, and the little boy eventually ran over and grasped his mom with a "this little girl is insane" look on his face. So, Stew picked up Claire and took her to the plastic playhouse in which she could stand and play peek-a-boo through its two open windows (the house looks a lot like the picture to the right). After all the kids finally arrived, everyone sat in a circle to sing songs. First, they sang the welcome song to each child. I wrote about them before. Claire's welcome song goes like this:

HEL-lo, Claire!
HEL-lo, Claire!
HEL-lo, Claire!
We're so glad you're here!
[clap your hands]

After the welcome song, they broke into songs about snowmen. You might recall from my previous post that last week the teacher taught a song about snowmen that are "fat" (picture me making a circle with my forelegs in front of my belly as I say the word "fat"). It is my hope that this song will soon be stricken from the face of the earth, just like all snowmen will be come springtime. Luckily, this song was not part of yesterday's curriculum. Instead, they sang about a lone snowman who dared jump onto a sled. Unfortunately, due to the sled's wet surface, the snowman slipped off the sled and bonked his head. Not knowing if he had a concussion or any other internal injuries, the snowman didn't know what to do. So, he decided to phone the leader of all snowmen, Frosty (sort of like a human praying to god, I guess). The snowman explained to Frosty what had just occurred, to which Frosty replied, "If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times - NO LITTLE SNOWMEN JUMPING ON A SLED, Dipshit!"

After the snowman song, they sang "If you're happy and you know it..." Apparently, Claire did not know if she was happy because she never clapped her hands, nor did she stomp her feet or beep her nose as instructed by each respective verse of the song.

Then, after the songs, the kids got to play with the teacher's aides while the grown-ups (Stew and a bunch of moms) sat in a circle on the floor to get to know each other and share a little about themselves. I have no clue what the teacher looks like, but I picture her as a smoking hot poodle (I've got a thing for hairy French babes, so sue me). Apparently, when it came time for Stew to tell the group a little about himself, he was so nervous that he couldn't stop talking. At one point, the teacher looked at him while shaking her head and said, "Wow... you sure can talk, but we are limited on time and really need to get around to the others in the sharing circle." So, Stew kept his trap shut the rest of the time, and Claire eventually showed up in the circle carrying a big plastic spoon and a plate that she proudly presented to her Papa Stew.

Finally, before everyone left for the day, the children enjoyed snacks at a big table in another corner of the classroom. Each kid received a little paper cup full of Cheerios and other similar snacks. Once she got about halfway through her cup, Claire decided to pour her goodies onto the floor, thereby officially ending her snack time. So, Stew and her put on their coats and returned home. All in all, Claire seemed to have a good time, although you really can't tell based on these photos of her taken after she arrived back at our doghouse. But, I'm sure I'll have more to report to you after next week's class...