March 25, 2008

Some sage advice

Following is part of a daily email Stew receives from http://www.allprodad.com (thanks to Uncle Peter Karl - the Uncle with two first names - for subscribing Stew to this be-a-better-parent advice email thingamajob).

SUBJECT: HAS YOUR DOG TURNED INTO A CAT?

The writer Adair Lara says young children behave like dogs -- they’re affectionate and love being around you. But when they hit the teen years, they start acting like cats -- distant and finicky. They make you feel unneeded. But realize that your teenager still needs you and your affection. Just change your approach. Be available and let them come to you. When they do, don’t smother them or cling too tightly. Let them have their moods and offer them understanding. The teen animal can be tamed with your unconditional love.

I would like to add:

And if your teenage kitty insists on acting like a selfish little [insert your favorite expletive here], then kick them to the curb. Better yet, toss their lazy meowing ass on the roof of the house and dare them to take a Nestea Plunge off... they're supposed to land on their feet, right? If they land on their feet, then they learn an important lesson about facing their fears and learning to trust their instincts. And if they don't land on their feet, well then they learn the most important life lesson of all: cats are ineffectual creatures that are not to be imitated. Besides, nobody likes a copycat.

3 comments:

Anonymous 8:08 AM  

As the parent of 3 teenage kitties, I can attest to the veracity of this post! I'm working on that unconditional love thing. I haven't reached the point of wanting to toss them on the roof....yet.

Anonymous 9:34 PM  

In my younger years, I have experimented with throwing cats from barns. They do land on their feet 99% of the time. They do not; however, like to go down the hayshoot.

Mississippi 11:26 PM  

The problem with teenage kittens is the lack of a fully developed brain. However, I have noticed this lack of higher brain function is found in certain teenage dogs as obviously seen in the consumption and rolling in their own excrement. But I digress. This lack of higher brain activity has been a scientific curiosity of mine, and has led me to an assortment of experiments. Having examined over 100 cases of kittens that have "fallen" out of high-rise windows, a surprising 90 percent survived. This may be from the well known "high-rise syndrome," where that after falling over five stories the cats reached a terminal velocity of 60 miles per hour. Thereafter, they become hypothesized and relax and spread themselves out like flying squirrels, thus minimizing injuries. However, to this date teenage volunteers and funding for the human side of these experiments are lacking. I look forward to a discussion of this topic; however I am in the mists of research between the gravitation forces between the buttered side of bread landing downward and a cat landing upright.

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Commentary from a stay-at-home dad on daily happenings and misadventures while helping raise a wonderful little girl. The goal is to employ wit, sarcasm and/or humor to make the blog pseudo-entertaining. Then again, setting goals never really worked for me, but maybe you'll chuckle anyway.

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