September 10th mindset hits Stay-At-Home-Dog Blog

For the last several years, Stew has been screaming at me, "Bogart! We need to fight 'em over there so we don't have to fight 'em here!" I've never been too sure who "they" are, but I do know he's been watching an extraordinarily absurd amount of Fox News ever since retiring from the contract furniture sales industry to become a SAHD (stay-at-home dude). Therefore, I can only assume he means "Keith Olbermann and the other liberal fascists on the MSNBC network" (Stew's words, not mine as I enjoy Olbermann... even though he's no Wolf Blitzer)! But recently, Randy Scheunemann (National Security Director for the campaign of Senator John "Insane in the Membrane" McCain) was quoted as saying, "Senator Obama is a perfect manifestation of a September 10th mind-set... he does not understand the nature of the enemies we face.” Now, I've looked into this Scheunemann guy, and he's an expert (source). I mean, he was an advisor to (former) Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld on Iraq, so he is obviously someone we should listen to. And that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. My Stay-At-Home-Dog Blog loyalists also suffer from a September 10th mindset. Allow me to explain...

You people - some of you more than others - consistently ridicule my attempts to warn you of the dangers of rodents, cats, postal carriers, vacuum cleaners and the like. Well, the buck stops here - not to mention your incredulous comments implying cats to somehow be superior to dogs AND the outrageous justifications for the rehabilitation of injured rodents! Now, it's personal... literally. Click on this picture of an innocent-looking cat to find proof that THEY ARE HERE... and "they" are "extremist cats". Wow - Stew is actually right! How could this be? The photo links to proof an extremist cat has infiltrated the Humane Society of Stew's hometown of Pierre, SD... no doubt in an attempt to establish a terrorist sleeper cell (aka "cat nap crew"). And what's more is that the cat has stolen my identity! This is truly scary stuff. Thanks to Aunt Dee (Florida) - a true American patriot - for bringing this dangerous situation to my attention.

In light of these new developments, I dispatched Army Special Forces Captain Theodore Hertzel from the Midwest Bureau of the Department of Guardianship (DOG) to investigate this cat nap crew further. Some of you are familiar with Captain Theo, but for those of you new to this blog, here's a little bio: Captain Theo, a Fargo resident, holds extraterritoriality status which exempts him from the jurisdiction of local laws (the same thing commonly granted to foreign diplomats and/or current and former Bush Administration officials who perform acts of treason). Additionally, he has an extremely low center of gravity that allows him to conduct high-risk, life-threatening missions such as sneeking up on napping terror cats, burrowing into groundhog dens, and escaping charging vacuums by leaping into an open cloths dryer.

For security reasons, I'm unable to provide you with Captain Theo's complete report. However, I am able to declassify a single document that SHOULD scare you into action. Please note this blog entry will self-destruct in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...