Dollar Bid, now two, now two, will ya give me two?

Stew plans to attend an estate auction on Saturday for the purpose of bidding on a pre-owned lawn tractor. More specifically, a Craftsman LT1000 with 42" deck and Kohler 20 HP V-Twin engine (including rear bagger and thatcher attachments).
Needless to say, the rest of the family is a bit concerned. First off, we're all concerned if Stew doesn't get a lawn tractor soon, he's likely to keel over from a heart attack or stroke mowing our lawn. I've never seen a shade of red quite like that on Stew's face after he finishes mowing our nearly 1/2 acre lot with a push mower. But I'm more concerned Stew will tip over at the auction after being lulled by the rapid-fire, quick-cadence combination of numbers, words and sounds of the auctioneers chant. Seriously. He's tipped over in our living room on several occasions while watching a Sarah Palin interview on TV. It must have something to due with hearing someone uttering a meaningless confusion of words and sounds. Momma's mainly worried Stew will come home with an antique birdbath after a the auctioneer mistakes Stew's flicking a booger for an actual bid (booger-flicking is an art form mastered by all Stewart men). And Claire's just concerned that Stew will forget to bid on the portable basketball goal that's also up for auction. She's already measured the back patio and outlined a free throw lane with duct tape she found in the garage. Lucky for us, we have Grandpa Bob to consult on all things having to do with auctions. You see, Grandpa is an expert due to having attended hundreds of livestock and farm machinery auctions over the years. Now, I'll have to check with Grandma, but I'm pretty sure Grandpa Bob's never returned home from an auction with an antique birdbath!