Time to come clean

If you know me, then you know I like to clean myself periodically. Stew calls it "showing off", but I prefer to call it what it is - good hygiene. Anyway, I'm not talking about that sort of cleaning. Instead, it's time to set the record straight on a few items... in no particular order.

1) My unauthorized use of a photograph.
Normally I like to get a person's permission before plastering their mug on the Internet where, in the case of my blog, four to six other people will see it. I'm referring to the gorgeous photo of Pierre's very own Mike Mueller that can be found in my October 15th "More cowbell" post. In Mueller's own comment to the post, he (sarcastically) thanks Stew for posting "...my Bob Gray-sized head...on your blog." Shown at right is an unauthorized photo of (now) SoDak Senator Bob Gray's aforementioned head... and torso. Let's face it. Mueller doesn't have a large head, and the only thing bigger than Bob Gray's head is the Legend of Bob Gray's Jacket. Seriously. Those who know of the legend know the jacket has (allegedly) been around the world and back. I believe the legend is chronicled by Dr. Mike Bietz (another Pierre favorite of mine) on his old Crapola2000 website, but I could be wrong. Regardless, Mueller's head is chock-full of a repertoire of wit. I'm told Mueller is a remarkably adroit and determined quipster... very GrossBurger-esque. And those who had the pleasure of knowing GrossBurger will know this is the highest praise I can give someone, and it's befitting the man known simply as "Mueller".

2) Sh!t happens... and so does editing!
If you're one of the handful of folks who subscribe to my blog, then you know you receive an email containing each blog post the second it's posted. Essentially, you're getting the first draft of each post, and what you might not know is that I usually end up making changes to the post that you might not ever see. For example, sometimes I come up with a different way of saying Glenn Beck followers are insane or Sarah Palin is a buffoon (seriously, who wears pantyhose with running shorts... besides Stew?). So, I usually update the post; therefore, you might want to actually visit the blog from time to time to see what you're missing. Or not. Whatever.

3) Happy (belated) Birthday, Heidi!
One of my four faithful bloggees, and one cool chick!

4) Stew's weight loss = smoke and mirrors
I previously reported Stew lost 12 lbs in the first three weeks of his and Momma's new weight-loss program (using Weight Watchers). What I failed to mention is that in the two-week period prior to starting Weight Watchers, Stew put on about 10 pounds in a fit of sloth and gluttony (by spending 14 days lying on the couch eating gallons of ice cream smothered in Hershey's Chocolate Syrup). So, while he's now lost 14 lbs since starting the program, it only looks like he's lost five. And when Momma was in Fargo last weekend, Stew expected her to return with words of congratulations and encouragement from our Fargo friends. Instead, she came home to tell Stew everyone was "pissed off" and very determined to lose more weight than him. So now it's game on! Unfortunately, Stew operates through fear of failure, which means that if he doesn't try, then he can't technically fail. However, when he was an award-winning salesman of high-quality furniture sold at a modest price, he learned to be motivated by fear of being fired. So, we're trying to convince Stew to treat his weight-loss program as a job. And if our Fargo friends are nice, Stew just might let you touch his 6-pack abs at our annual New Year's Weekend at the cabin (there's a hot tub this year!)... which gave my Aunt Michelle the idea of sending this video clip to the eight other adults attending this year's upcoming New Year's Festivus. Come to think of it, Will Ferrell's character in this old Saturday Night Live skit does have a striking resemblance to my swingin' Uncle Pete.