As I do most mornings after breakfast, today I flipped on Fox News to watch it's dopey little morning show, Cluster Fox and Freaks (aka Fox and Friends). You see, waking up each morning as a self-loathing, middle-aged man with low self esteem and severe back pain doesn't provide me with a sufficient amount of rage to get my blood flowing in the morning, so I need an extra bump from the menagerie of douchebaggery that only Fox News can deliver. And while I sometimes flip over to MSNBC to watch Morning Joe, I find Joe Scarborough's brand of conservatism is just no match for the panel of asshats I find sitting on the Fox News curvy couch each morning. So imagine my shock when I actually learned something useful today when Fox and Friends' and Minnesota's own Gretchen Carlson - she puts the loon in lunatic - reported a story about a recall on certain over-the-counter children's and infant's liquid cold products. I thought to myself, "Oh no, here we go again... another Fox News story about big government attacking capitalism - AND LIBERTY - through the use of pesky government safety regulations." Instead, Ms. Carlson introduced the segment by asking an intriguing question, "Just what should I do when I find recalled children's medicine in my medicine cabinet?" She continued, "That's a question millions of parents are asking themselves today after learning of (this) recall." Really? Seriously? Millions? Yes. It's true. I, for one, have no clue what to do with the recalled Children's Motrin I found upstairs. Do I ignore the dosage on the label and just give all of it to Claire at once so as not to let it go to waste? Or should I treat it like leftover table scraps and feed it to my dog? I mean, I was freaking out over this! I'm just a simple man. Rather, a stay-at-home dad - hardly a man at all. In fact, I only recently stopped giving Claire baths in the sink while doing dishes, so how am I to know what to do about bad medicine? But, thankfully, Fox News was there to give me exact directions for disposal of the recalled medicine. Unfortunately, that's precisely when I decided to flip over to Morning Joe to watch the grown-ups discussing politics (which only provides even more toxic fuel for my Fox-ignited rage).
Grandma note: the mark on Claire's arm is from a magic marker... it's not the big, long, infected scratch it appears to be.