December 29, 2006

'Tis the season... to warn of the apocalypse!

Don't worry. The end of the world isn't here... yet. However, mark you calendars for December 21, 2012. And if the world is still spinning after this date, then it will certainly cease to exist after May 13, 2029. You see, it's Armageddon Week on The History Channel, and what better way to spend the Christmas holiday then watching back-to-back-to-back TV shows about the end of the world? It makes me feel all warm inside. Incidentally, the Mayan Calendar says the world will drastically change on 12/21/2012. It might not "end", but it won't be a happy place. And, since the Mayan Calendar (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maya_calendar) has apparently been extremely accurate for the past 2,000 years, I can only summize one thing for 2012: yet another Bush is elected to be President, and the world ends. And if we are somehow able to survive another Bush in the White House, we have 5/13/2029 to look forward to - the date that a ginormous astroid will pass dangerously close to the Earth's atmosphere (and if it actually enters our atmosphere, then we're all toast). Learn more about the multitude of ways the world can end by visiting: http://www.history.com/shows.do?action=detail&showId=173253

Watching these shows has got me thinking. Based on some recent events, I'm thinking the apocalypse is upon us now! We might not have until 2012 or 2029... and here's evidence to prove it:

1) Rosie O'Donnell calls Donald Trump "annoying". Donald Trump calls Rosie O'Donnell "ugly" and "a bully". On the very same day, the pot reportedly calls the kettle "black". Just a coincidence? I think not. (http://thesuperficial.com/2006/12/rosie_odonnell_and_donald_trum.html).

2) Britney Spears calls Paris Hilton to say she (Britney) has decided not to be seen in public with Paris "for now". Apparently, Britney has an image to uphold. The same week, Britney is named "Worst Celebrity Dog Owner of 2006" (Paris, 2005's winner, is a close runner-up): http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061218/ap_en_ce/people_britney_spears
According to the Chinese calendar, 2006 is the Year of the Dog. Somewhere in all this mess is an equation for disaster... I'm just not smart enough to make the correlation (yet).

3) The Deptarment of Interior has decided that the polar bear should be listed as "threatened" under the Endangered Species Act, signifying the Bush Administration is acknowledging the presence of global warming without actually having to say so. Polar bears swim from floating ice chunk to floating ice chunk in search of both food and lovin'. Unfortunately, the bears are drowning when they leave one floating ice chunk to swim to the next one that they can't find... or worse, they are getting stranded on an ice chunk with no lovin', thereby succumbing to death by blue balls. (http://news.independent.co.uk/environment/article2108212.ece)

Speaking of global warming, according to The History Channel program, Countdown to Armageddon, the #1 threat to the Earth's existence is global warming. Al Gore's movie, An Inconvenient Truth, is an excellent film (http://www.climatecrisis.net/trailer/), and scarier than anything we've seen on The History Channel. Yes, Al Gore is a Democrat. No, this film is not political. Yes, you're an idiot if you can't watch this film with an open mind. No, I am not receiving royalties from it. You don't even need to like or trust Al Gore to watch it. But, if you can't rent or buy this DVD, then at least go download the following short cartoon movie clip instead. The message is the same but is easier for you Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity followers - who actually deny the existence of global warming - to grasp: http://www.motherjones.com/commentary/fiore/2006/08/hoax.html
And, before Stew's relatives start forwarding more sarcastic "Ways to Be a Good Democrat" emails, please note our household is registered Independent... as in independent thinking (defined as "the process of being able to think on your own, without someone else guiding you."). In fact, Stew actually voted for Bush in 2000, yet it sickens him to admit it. Stew feels the same as the author of this Al Gore movie review (read the first paragraph) - http://www.flickfilosopher.com/blog/2006/05/an_inconvenient_truth_review.html. So, instead of participating in the blue state vs. red state rhetoric that has cripled America, spend your time writing congress to demand they address the global warming issue before it's too late. And if global warming doesn't concern you, at least write congress about SOMETHING for which you are passionate - like your right to keep multiple, deadly assault rifles and oozies in your house because you think the Constitution says you can, or how we need to fight terrorism by banning gay marriage (or whatever your rationale is for turning your religious belief into a political issue for the rest of us).
And so there you have it. The end of the world is inevitable. And if you humans don't kill us all by global warming, then an astroid surely will. So, Happy New Year!

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Commentary from a stay-at-home dad on daily happenings and misadventures while helping raise a wonderful little girl. The goal is to employ wit, sarcasm and/or humor to make the blog pseudo-entertaining. Then again, setting goals never really worked for me, but maybe you'll chuckle anyway.

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