April 07, 2007

Happy Easter (but watch your back)!

Exactly one year ago today, a crime was perpetrated upon Momma's tulip garden - a crime committed by the Easter Bunny but attributed to me. Following is a news report with details of the crime. Some of you have never seen this. For others, this will be a bitter reminder that nobody is safe from corruption... not even on Easter. Here's the story...

[from The Stewart Family Barker newsletter - Spring 2006 Edition]
Local resident charged in Easter Sunday tulip massacre
Authorities discover evidence still dangling from suspect’s mouth

ROBBINSDALE, MN – What started out as a typical Easter Sunday at the Stewart house turned dreadful after Stew ventured to the backyard and discovered Linda’s tulip garden had been destroyed. Rather, devoured is a more accurate description of the carnage.

“Bogart and I were playing tag when I noticed a tulip petal lying in the middle of the backyard,” said Stew. “I went to Linda’s tulip garden to see how it looked when I discovered that 12 tulips were missing all their petals.”

Authorities immediately took Bogey into custody for questioning and discovered that he actually had a tulip hanging from his mouth when he was apprehended. He tried to allude capture by running laps around the large tree in the backyard, but he was eventually caught after being enticed by a police officer with a pig’s ear.

“We know it was Bogey,” barked a confident Detective McGruff, local crime dog. “We have evidence that shows him casing the scene prior to the attacks. This was definitely premeditated.” The evidence referred to is a photo that Bogey posed for on Saturday, April 15th, the day before Easter Sunday. In the photo, you can clearly see Bogey sitting next to several tulip plants in full bloom. All the tulips were found destroyed less than 10 hours after the photo was taken, and crime scene photos are not suitable for print.

Despite overwhelming evidence against him, Bogey is maintaining his innocence, accusing the authorities of corruption, and even offering up a second suspect.

“I was framed!” demands Bogey. “I was force-fed peanut butter, and a dead tulip was shoved in my mouth. Everybody knows peanut butter is like crack to a dog. I was in a very vulnerable position.”

To prove there is no corruption on their part, police brought in a sketch artist to draw the suspect Bogey allegedly saw running from the scene moments before Stew discovered the atrocity (see sketch at left). However, authorities have found no evidence to support the defendant's contention that a bunny delivering Easter eggs was the actual perpetrator. Local authorities are calling the case “closed”.


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About This Blog

Commentary from a stay-at-home dad on daily happenings and misadventures while helping raise a wonderful little girl. The goal is to employ wit, sarcasm and/or humor to make the blog pseudo-entertaining. Then again, setting goals never really worked for me, but maybe you'll chuckle anyway.

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