April 03, 2007

Operation Spring Cleaning - chatter on the network

My surveillance team is reporting escalated chatter amongst the Kenmore terror network. According to my clandestine reconnaissance operations, there is talk of future planned attacks against me. Specifically, the Kenmore vacuum is planning to partner with other cleaning equipment in a tactic they are calling "Operation Spring Cleaning." I do not yet have the details of this plan, but my scouting has produced some interesting schematics of the central nervous system of a vacuum (aka "killing machine"). To date, I've only understood the vacuum to be a lean-mean-dog-eating-machine. Now, with the diagram of the vacuum innards in my possession, I'm this much closer (imagine me holding my left paw an inch away from my right paw) to decoding what drives this machine to kill innocent doggies with its wicked rotating brushes. The diagram clearly shows two huge arrows pointing at the Doggie Ultra-Suction Trap (DUST) location, not to mention the "dust bag" where puppy parts end up after a ferocious grinding by the rotating brushes... proving this machine is more sinister than originally thought. Furthermore, as stated previously in my report, the Kenmore is conspiring with other cleaning equipment. Not only is the dreaded deadly duo - mop and broom - involved, but intelligence reports indicate the recruitment of other lethal devices from the Swifter clan. Swifter, Latin for quick/punctual/immediate, is a dodgy tribe known for their agility in hand-to-paw combat. Based on this fact alone, I'll be bringing in two Specialists from the north, but more on that later. In the meantime, I need to get back to my scouting. Operation Spring Cleaning is only days away...

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Commentary from a stay-at-home dad on daily happenings and misadventures while helping raise a wonderful little girl. The goal is to employ wit, sarcasm and/or humor to make the blog pseudo-entertaining. Then again, setting goals never really worked for me, but maybe you'll chuckle anyway.

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