December 10, 2007

You want a cookie?

Momma and Claire went to Chicago with Auntie Karen to bake cookies at Cousin Jane's house. What did I just say? This whole cookie baking thing is sort of a tradition... I think this was the third year for everyone (except Claire... this being her first), but what the heck do I know? Well, I know I'm frickin' awesome, but not much else. So, with the ladies gone for the weekend, that could only mean one thing: a chili dog eating marathon for Stew while I starve because he forgets to feed me for three straight days. Our local Costco sells Ball Park Franks in packs of 32, plus hoagie buns in 18-packs. The hoagie buns allow extra dog, chili, cheese and onions without compromising convenience (translation: the ingredients actually stay in the bun instead of spilling out all over your hands, Atari t-shirt, lap and/or floor). In addition to choking down chili dogs all weekend, Stew decided to invite a few friends over to play cards and drink some beer. However, Stew failed to remember he has no friends, unless you count the two he met playing an online Solitaire tournament last month (Sexy_Fat_Dad101 and RemingtonSteeleFan). So, we basically did nothing. Correction. I basically did nothing. Stew, on the other paw, decided to tackle the guest bedroom project. Of course, with nobody around to supervise (or should I say babysit), the logical thing for Stew to do is work on the electrical wiring first. Nothing like Momma returning home to find a pile of ash underneath a smoldering Atari t-shirt in the basement. For those saying "huh, what's with the Atari references?", allow me to explain... Stew seldom wears anything BUT his vintage Atari t-shirt. Therefore, the shirt is most likely fire retardant by now due to the amount of Stew juice embedded within it's fibers... gross, I know). Anyway, it took all weekend, but Stew finally managed to install some lighting and outlets in the guest bedroom without burning down our house OR electrocuting himself. He even managed to feed me my two square meals a day. Needless to say, we're all still in shock that the house is still standing.

Upon Momma and Claire's return home, I learned about Hobbs. A handsome Golden Retriever looking fella who belongs to cousin Jane and her family. Apparently, Claire took a liking to 'ole Hobbs. I wonder if she pet him like she does me (picture a burly carpenter smashing a hammer down upon the head of a nail... that's how Claire likes to show affection). Notice the beautiful rug under Claire and Hobbs... looks sorta like a hand-crafted rug. I wonder where YOU could get one... or two. I dunno, maybe here? Anyway, Grandma Stewart made Claire a little apron specifically for this occasion. However, Stew accidentally left the apron at Grandma Thullner's over Thanksgiving, so Claire only had the bottom portion of it for the cookie bake. Chalk it up to yet another disappointment Stew has given his mother. She's probably used to it by now, and we'll make up for it at Christmas with lots of pictures of Claire wearing her Christmas apron. Stew has a long history of disappointing women, but that's not important here. I simply wanted to get it on record before I move on to other things... like showing you a picture of the Cookie Baking Crew. Please note I believe some of the folks in the photo are actually members of the Margharita Testing Team... and some are members of both organizations. In fact, I believe Cousin Jane is Captain of both groups. Also take note that Claire is NOT the child licking the cookie. No, I think that's the one they call "Nash"... but I call him "Dennis the Menace" because of his relentless attacks on my tail during his visit last summer. Then again, he can't be all that bad because Nash and his brothers sent a bunch of toys home with Claire. She's especially fond of the ice cream truck she's holding in the photo. Unfortunately, she thinks the truck is actually an all terrain vehicle because she keeps trying to drive it on my head, my back, my paws... I think you get the picture.

Finally, have you noticed me writing about Grandma Helen's rugs lately? Have I ever mentioned her friend, Darlene, who also makes the rugs? I think Darlene was part of Stew's Margharita Testing Team a few summers back when the ladies came for a visit. They sold A LOT of their hand-crafted rugs at the local Hopkins Farmer's Market that trip. The "Homemade Bread Guy" couldn't attend the market, so there was a spot open for our rug sellers and they jumped on it. One particularly bitter regular vendor came over to politely (and by "politely" I mean "snarkily") tell Grandma, "you know, this market is only open to farmer's to sell things." To which Grandma proudly responded, "I am a farmer... now get out of my face!" Well, the first part is accurate, but I think Grandma should've handed the other lady her ass. Anyway, the rugs look cool, so buy some!

Speaking of potty training, here's a video Stew plans to start showing Claire soon...


Mike Rios 4:05 PM  

Hey Bogart, did you hear any funny songs coming from the bathroom after all of those chili dogs?

Bogart 10:00 AM  

Dr. Rios,

It's funny you should ask this question. After Stew stepped on my head at 3:35AM Saturday morning while enroute to the bathroom, I soon heard what I thought to be a 40-piece orchestra tuning its instruments in our bathroom. Although I possess keen hearing, my ear is yet untrained to orchestral sounds. However, my sense of smell is extraordinary, and I must say, the orchestra stunk. Literally.


SexyHealthyBodyImageDad101 4:19 PM  

As regards that team photo: sure are a lot of bright-red-krazy-eyes in that crowd....

I wish I could wire things. Then again, I wish I had a vintage Atari T-Shirt.

Is it bad that, even with all those cookies in the house, I'm still eating Nilla Wafers?

An enticement to Stew's attending next year: pending legislation to make the House of Cookies "pants-optional." Oh, sure, the bill may die in committee--but, if it ever makes it onto the House floor, I've got a pantsless filibuster ready to go.

Jane must never, ever know I typed that. ;)

Mike Rios 1:20 PM  

I know most of you people don't know me. But, if there is pantless cookie making going on. Count me in!!!! I'm a natural. I've been in my boxers for about 4 staight months. (Clean ones every day!!!)

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About This Blog

Commentary from a stay-at-home dad on daily happenings and misadventures while helping raise a wonderful little girl. The goal is to employ wit, sarcasm and/or humor to make the blog pseudo-entertaining. Then again, setting goals never really worked for me, but maybe you'll chuckle anyway.

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