Claire's Milkshake Brings All the Kids to the Schoolyard

That's right. It was school day for Claire again, and all nine of her classmates showed up for class today. This is the first time the class was full, and my theory is that all the other kids heard about Claire, Queen of the Class. My sense is that a flurry of phone calls were placed after last week's class, when Claire established herself as Queen, and all the kids decided to show up today to watch Claire reign over the kingdom. And Claire didn't disappoint. Upon entering the classroom - the first kid to class for the third time in a row - Claire immediately took her position atop the foam stairs in the center of the room.

Once all the kids finally arrived, everyone sat in a big circle and sang the usual songs. The first song that's always sung is the "Hello" song (for example, Claire's song is "Hello, Claire!"). So, they sang the "Hello" song a total of 10 times this morning, and you are supposed to clap at the end of each song. And, just like last week, Claire clapped for everyone... except Ethan and Chase. Apparently these two little boys are still on Claire's Sh*t-List.

Today, Claire and the other kids got to play with grits. The grits apparently simulate sand, and they're safer in the event a little kid decides to eat the stuff. Claire grabbed a scoop and a bucket. She scooped some grits a few times and threw them on Hezekiah, the little boy seated to her right, telling him, "Eat my grits!" Eventually, Claire grew bored and took her scoop and bucket as she walked away from the grits table. However, Judy (one of the teacher's aides) stopped Claire to inform her (and Stew) that the "tools should stay at the grits table if you are finished with them." So, while Stew was apologizing on Claire's behalf, Claire decided to initiate a stare-down with Judy. There would be no apologies coming from Claire. But, eventually, Judy proved to be a formidable opponent, and Claire returned to the grits table... where she returned to throwing grits on the other children.

Then it was playtime for the kids while the grown-ups sat in a circle on the floor in the corner of the room to share their inner-most thoughts on child rearing. This week, Stew told the group about Claire's meltdown at Kohl's Department Store on Sunday when she accompanied Momma and Stew on a shoe shopping trip. Claire has grown accustomed to her Robeez, soft shoes that flex very easily, so she does not like regular shoes or boots that are too stiff. So, when Momma was attempting to get Claire to try out some new "regular" shoes on Sunday, Claire decided to flop down on the ground and refused to walk. So, Stew picked up a wailing Claire and bolted for the car like a psycho. Momma, on the other hand, calmy picked out some tennis shoes that blink and purchased them before joining Stew and Claire in the car.

Anyway, playtime and adult sharing time was cut short today due to a (practice) lockdown. The teacher instructed everyone to go gather their children and bring them back to the corner of the classroom. Specifically, the teacher said to "go get your kids and huddle in this corner of the room while remaining quiet." Since Claire happened to be seated in Stew's lap when it was time to practice the lockdown, he simply picked her up and stood below the combo TV-VCR unit hanging off the wall in the corner. Picture a 6' 2" Stew standing below a TV-VCR unit that hangs down to about 6' 0" from the floor. When the ladies in the group returned with their respective children, they all returned to sitting on the floor. Now, picture eight moms seated on the floor with their nine kids, plus one teach and two teacher's aides seated amongst them, and Stew... STANDING in the corner holding Claire while trying not to bang his head on the combo TV-VCR unit hanging above him. The entire time, Stew kept replaying the teacher's instructions in his head, "huddle in this corner... while remaining quiet." He wondered to himself, "why am I the only one huddling in the corner? Am I the only one in this room that understands the meaning of the word huddle?" Obviously, Stew could've simply stayed put on the floor, so knowing how paranoid he is, I'm sure he was obsessing in his mind, "does everyone think I'm a dunce for standing in the corner while they're all sitting on the floor? More importantly, will this affect my standing as the 'hot daddy' with all the hot moms in the class?" Fortunately, the practice lockdown didn't last too long; however, it remains to be seen if the ladies all think Stew is socially retarded or not. Only time will tell...

In the meantime, here are some recent pictures of Claire feeding herself yogurt, which is also apparently a good hair conditioner...