What's happening?

I don't know what it is, but I just can't seem to get into the bloggin' spirit these days. I think I've been hanging around Stew too long, and now all I want to do is lie around the house licking myself. But, hopefully, my four faithful bloggees are still out there in the blogosphere reading my scattered rantings. Perhaps if I borrow a few Pink Floyd words, I can reach them:

Hello, hello, hello...
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone at home?

Or maybe Pink Floyd's not your thing, in which case I can always lean on some great Lionel Richie lyrics. Besides, I have a sneaky suspicion there's a higher likelihood of my bloggees owning a Lionel Richie album rather than anything from the collection of Pink Floyd "space rock". Anyway... Hello?

I've been alone with you inside my mind,
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times.
I sometimes see you pass by my blog door...
Hello, is it me you're looking for?

Cause I wonder where you are,
And I wonder what you do.
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart,
For I haven't got a clue.
But let me start by saying, "I love you..."

Now that I've sufficiently loaded the first half of this blog entry with drivel, I can get on to the business of telling you what's been happenin' 'round here.

Momma and her gal pals had a jam session two weekends ago. They really got down with their bad selves and made a crapload of mixed berry jam. Aunts Veronica and Michelle drove from Fargo to join Momma, Claire and Aunt Susan at our house. Momma created a production flowchart designed to maximize jam output by implementing a process of individual skillset optimization. In other words, Aunt Veronica was in charge of keeping wine glasses full and staying out of the way. Meanwhile, Uncle Kermit and Stew went golfing... where Stew set the land speed record for losing four balls on Hole #1 of Theo Wirth Golf Course. He also came close to tying his record of losing an entire 12-ball box of balls before "the turn" (for you non-golfers, "the turn" is the area between Hole #9 and Hole #10 where time stands still long enough for golfers to down a beer and a bratwurst before continuing on their quest to master an unmasterable game). Afterwards, the two duffers went to a local pub where they met up with a couple "friends" to play a couple rounds of Big Buck Hunter. And by "friends", of course I mean "strippers". Unfortunately, due to the presence of the strippers, neither Stew nor Kermit did very well. I'm told they both kept shooting prematurely (at the deer on the arcade game screen, that is).

In other news, Momma climbed into her Millennium Falcon spaceship this morning (aka "Volkswagen Passat"... Wookie co-pilot not included). Today is her first day of work at the Death Star that is ________ ________ (insert the name of the evil empire that I refuse to mention on this blog ever again). Meanwhile, Stew is currently Swiftering our hardwood floors while babbling something about "Bogart and his [bleeping] dog fur and paw prints... blah, blah, blah." You see, we need to keep the house clean. We recently adjusted the price of our house to better reflect current market conditions (i.e., we bent over to prepare for a spanking). Doing so has led to an increase in the number of house showings we've had. In fact, we're waiting on another offer from a showing we had last week. I remain optimistic since this particular party inquired as to if we could close on the house later in the year in order to give them time to come up with more cash for a down payment. Based on every previous offer we've had, none of the parties had any down payment money since they were all using a housing program that makes the seller responsible for a large chunk of the down payment.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go roll around on the living room throw rug Stew just vacuumed before I go shake dog hair in every other room of the house. Smell ya later!