September 30, 2008

Move over E.F. Hutton... Bogart Stewart is barking!

Now I'm no E.F. Hutton, but when I bark people seem to listen. Lately, a lot of people have been asking me, "Bogart, what's your advice to get through this latest financial disaster?" And when I say "a lot of people", I mean "nobody". Regardless, I've recently discovered my investment portfolio is virtually unaffected by the stock market or the sham "bail out" of Wall Street (or is it Main Street?). So, I thought I should share my advice with you lowly humanoids... and more on my advice in the next paragraph. But first off, let me be clear -- I am not an economist, nor do I know how to solve the latest Wall Street problem. My inclination is to allow banks and other companies who hold toxic assets (i.e., worthless mortgages) to fail because they made poor decisions (and/or lied about the value of those same assets -- I'm talking to you, Washington Mutual and Wacovia). If I make a poor investment decision, then I should expect to face the consequences, and this should be the same rationale by which we approach this proposed bail out. And since I have good credit, I seriously doubt I'll have a problem obtaining a loan to buy Stew a new lawn tractor (so he can keep our new lawn cut to a level low enough that grass tips don't tickle my poop depositing port when I do my business... because there's nothing worse than a tickle on your rear private area when you're trying to poo). Anyway, I don't know how to solve the credit market crisis, but I'm confident there are hundreds of economists and trustworthy bankers who do (if Congress would actually listen to them). I just don't think a bail out is the right answer. Then again, perhaps it's just too risky not to do the bail out because so many small businesses rely on the credit market for their payroll, etc... But what I am certain of is that regardless of what happens, if there's a bozo in Washington D.C. who is up for re-election who has an "Incumbent" behind their name -- they gotta go (especially MN Rep. Michelle Bachmann, pictured at right giving President Bush a good tongue lashing after a State of the Union Address). Bachmann is batshit crazy... and I thought Jesse Ventura was an embarrassment to our state! Minnesota's Congressional District 6 should check out THIS site before you vote in November. You can't stop the insanity without first stopping the insane! Say "NO!" to Bachmann...

So why am I so optimistic about my retirement savings? I'm glad you asked. I've found a risk-free high-return security instrument. It's bones -- listed as BNZ on the Canine Assets & Securities Holders Money Exchange (known in the dog world as the CASH Money Exchange). I don't want to bore you with the details. But I can guarantee you that no matter where I invest (aka "bury") my bones, I know they're always right where I left them. The only risk to my investment is a blind squirrel who thinks my bone is a nut and tries to run off up a tree with it. But I have ways of dealing with blind squirrels that involves improvised exploding acorns that you really don't need to know about.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go dumpster diving for cardboard boxes with Stew. When we went out last weekend, I made Stew agree to let me drive this time while he sloshes through the dumpster.

I leave you with pictures of Claire helping pack (note: this is not a box that was found inside any dumpster).

Here's Claire making her scary face... And here she is checking her packing list...

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About This Blog

Commentary from a stay-at-home dad on daily happenings and misadventures while helping raise a wonderful little girl. The goal is to employ wit, sarcasm and/or humor to make the blog pseudo-entertaining. Then again, setting goals never really worked for me, but maybe you'll chuckle anyway.

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THE SAHD CLUB - A rip-off of the letter written by the kids from the 1980's blockbuster hit, The Breakfast Club.

THE DOG DISH - Here you'll find the occasional rant or story written from a dog's point of view.

COMEDY - Here you'll find stuff I think is funny, typically video clips, cartoons or jokes.

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