The coast is finally clear... I hope.

After 10 days in seclusion, I've finally come out of hiding. That's right, I've been hiding behind the water heater in the basement for just over a week. But before you judge, you should know one thing: the Johnson Brothers were here. Yes, THOSE Johnson Brothers (who I referred to as "Jedi Knights" in THIS post from last July). The Johnson Brothers are not to be confused with the Jonas Brothers [pictured here... trying unsuccessfully NOT to look gay so as not to harm the "All-American" Disney brand]. Yep, this wholesome family-friendly boy band is brought to you by Disney (the same evil empire that's responsible for Miley "Hannah Montana" Cyrus and Britney Spears). Damn you, Disney, and your ability to turn average teens with mediocre talent into multi-millionaire nut jobs with absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever while simultaneously destroying the social fabric of our entire society from the confines of your tiny little Magic Kingdom! Then again, Mickey Mouse is darned cute...

Anyway, unlike the Jonas Brothers, the Johnson Brothers do not carry musical instruments. Instead, they wield Wii hand controllers and game pads that are perfect for whacking the littlest Johnson Brother over the head (or threatening an adorable house dog with bodily injury). And when a Wii game pad is not within reach, apparently any of Claire's toys will do (especially her plastic Big Bertha golf club, which is built to give toddlers more confidence in their swing while driving the dog across the room with the greatest of ease... Fore!). Anyway, as soon as I saw The Johnson Brothers pile out of their Chicagoland minivan, I crapped myself. Literally. And I am not a dog known to soil the house (with the exception of an occasional muddy paw). But it didn't help that Stew hadn't let me out of the house all day to conduct my daily maneuvers, so I left a nice pile in the living room that the brothers found within seconds of entering the house, as if they have radar for dog poo (then again, they are little boys). Lucky for all of us, they refrained from using the dookies as little throwing weapons but, instead, simply chose to admire my work of art for its height and firmness. On a side note, thanks to Cousin Jane for removing my masterpiece from the house while Grandma Helen cleaned the carpeting. Stew didn't do any of the cleaning because he was nowhere to be found. My guess is he was probably sitting on a barstool at the Chaska VFW participating in their weekly meat raffle. What can I say? The man loves a good meat raffle.

The Johnson Brothers were in town for the Annual Cookie Bake, a ritual when Momma, Grandma Helen and Auntie Karen usually travel to Chicago for a cookie baking marathon with Momma's Cousin Jane and Aunt Peggy. This year, the Cookie Bake was moved to Chaska, where we don't have any kitchen, dining room or guest bedroom furniture. So, it only made sense to have it here. And while the gals baked cookies, Stew and The Johnson Brothers were downstairs playing games on the Wii. Each brother - ages 4, 6 and 9 - took turns walloping Stew at various games. But according to Stew, the boys didn't provide him with appropriate instructions on how to use the Wii game pad controls in order to play effectively. Nor did they offer suitable advice on game strategy. Therefore, in Stew's words, they "set me up for failure by not providing enough guidance for me to experience the success to which I'm accustomed." It's sad the extraordinary lengths a grown man will go to in order to make himself feel better about being destroyed at Wii baseball by a 4-year old.

About one hour into the nine- or 10-hour baking session, Momma headed up to the bedroom with flu-like symptoms. Seeing an opportunity to hide safely from The Johnson Brothers, I followed her and spent the day asleep on my doggie bed at the foot of the bed. Then after all the sugar cookies were ready for decorating at the end of the day, Stew and Claire stepped in to take Momma's place. You see, Momma is known to be quite a competitive cookie decorator, so our family honor was on the line. Unfortunately, Stew only managed to decorate two snowmen, a gingerbread man and a single dove in about 60 minutes... and Claire managed to down a Dixie cup of red cookie frosting within the same time period. So, it's safe to assume Momma's job at next year's Annual Cookie Bake is to restore our family honor if at all possible.

All in all, it was a fabulous weekend for everyone who does not have four furry legs. Unfortunately, nobody was in the proper mood to sit for a group photo the Sunday morning before the Chicagoland minivan was set to depart, so I don't have a picture of the group. But, I leave you with what few photos I do have. Remember, I was hiding most of the weekend, so I ain't got much. Enjoy!